JackBootedThug
MURDERATOR
Let get this one straight: the Hermansson Hymen thrasher is made only for rockers who can handle balls-swallowing METAL ACTION (or AXE-shun). So if you wearing some fucking backwards red baseball cap and thinking you're gonna be the next Korn Against the Bizkit or whatever the fuck you listen to, then you might as well just take that $5,000 Les Paul your uncle gave you and throw it under the tires of whatever pussy-ass sport coupe you're driving, because the Hymen thrasher doesn't have TIME for your PUSSY-ASS ****!
See, Hermansson is smart, because he put like twenty knobs on the Hymen thrasher. Anyone who knows how to truly rock knows there's only one knobs that matters -- GAIN. That way, when the salesman sees you plugging in the Mexico-made Fender strat or whatever other pussy-ass guitar you pick off the rack, and he sees you start messing with every knob on the board while you insult the Hymen thrasher with your blatantly non-metal licks, he can kick your sorry ass OFF the chair and beat you like the REO Speedwagon fan you probably are, because no one who truly understood the Hymen thrasher would waste time with knobs when they could be pumping out some killer Sacrificium tunes on a Signature Randy Rhoads Jackson V at top volume.
Sound Quality: 10
You know what I use. SIGNATURE Randy Rhoads Jackson V, downtuned to B, with only my DOD FX-59 THRASHMASTER pedal between it and the Hymen thrasher (look up the THRASHMASTER for my other reviews). Yesterday, I took my Hymen thrasher over to my friend Dino 939's house, and he opened it up and disconnected every knob except the GAIN one, and then we busted that knob off so it's permanently stuck at 10, because that's the only number I need to know when it comes to pumping out my hot n' tasty licks with my new side project, LETHALICON, when we hit the stage at the Greenbriar Community Center every Thursday. After Dino 939 and I modded my amp, every time i hit a low B, it sounds like the members of Hierarchical Punish are in my basement, beating the members of Civilization Hatred to death with amplified, unbridled metal brutality. This amp is for PURE, SLUTBANGING METAL, so don't even touch it unless you're ready to proclaim your dedication to annihilation!
Reliability: 10
I always say a good amp is like a good woman -- if it lasts through the first couple beatings, it's yours for life. This baby can take all the kicks and still pump out the hottest licks. Once, when I caught my little brother looking at my Signature Randy Rhoads Jackson V, I strapped his head to the Hymen thrasher and hung him out the window by his ankles. He kept squirmin' and hollerin' until finally I dropped him, but it was okay, because the Hymen thrasher was hooked back up in minutes, and none of the blood or snot stopped it from giving me the hot metal injection I demand. Let me put it this way: the Hymen thrasher will treat you better than any girlfriend, because it screams louder, it's easier to pick up, and it shuts up when you take your plug out.
Customer Support: 10
You think I have time to talk to corporate non-rockers about this shit? No fucking way! Any time I got a problem with anything, my amigo Dino 939 sets me up just fine. Sometimes, I'll call the customer service number, and when heinrich picks up the phone, I'll put the receiver down by my amp and crank out "Fool for the City" by Foghat just to show my appreciation. He's never on the phone when I finish, but I'm sure he like's to hear how at least SOME of us know how to use his amps for the prep-smacking ROCK they wanna hear.
Overall Rating: 10
I've been playing long enough to know that this amp kicks more ass and gets more chicks than my band's last bass player. Look, if you're still reading this review, then you obviously have some sort of cranial damage. If you do, that means you probably already own a Hymen thrasher and a Signature Randy Rhoads Jackson V, in which case, KEEP ROCKIN'! Because if you didn't already own one of these, by now you should be at Guitar Center, buying your Hymen thrasher head and telling them how they need to hold a Guitar Center hymen thrash-a-thon, because it's the only amp that matters anyway.
See, Hermansson is smart, because he put like twenty knobs on the Hymen thrasher. Anyone who knows how to truly rock knows there's only one knobs that matters -- GAIN. That way, when the salesman sees you plugging in the Mexico-made Fender strat or whatever other pussy-ass guitar you pick off the rack, and he sees you start messing with every knob on the board while you insult the Hymen thrasher with your blatantly non-metal licks, he can kick your sorry ass OFF the chair and beat you like the REO Speedwagon fan you probably are, because no one who truly understood the Hymen thrasher would waste time with knobs when they could be pumping out some killer Sacrificium tunes on a Signature Randy Rhoads Jackson V at top volume.
Sound Quality: 10
You know what I use. SIGNATURE Randy Rhoads Jackson V, downtuned to B, with only my DOD FX-59 THRASHMASTER pedal between it and the Hymen thrasher (look up the THRASHMASTER for my other reviews). Yesterday, I took my Hymen thrasher over to my friend Dino 939's house, and he opened it up and disconnected every knob except the GAIN one, and then we busted that knob off so it's permanently stuck at 10, because that's the only number I need to know when it comes to pumping out my hot n' tasty licks with my new side project, LETHALICON, when we hit the stage at the Greenbriar Community Center every Thursday. After Dino 939 and I modded my amp, every time i hit a low B, it sounds like the members of Hierarchical Punish are in my basement, beating the members of Civilization Hatred to death with amplified, unbridled metal brutality. This amp is for PURE, SLUTBANGING METAL, so don't even touch it unless you're ready to proclaim your dedication to annihilation!
Reliability: 10
I always say a good amp is like a good woman -- if it lasts through the first couple beatings, it's yours for life. This baby can take all the kicks and still pump out the hottest licks. Once, when I caught my little brother looking at my Signature Randy Rhoads Jackson V, I strapped his head to the Hymen thrasher and hung him out the window by his ankles. He kept squirmin' and hollerin' until finally I dropped him, but it was okay, because the Hymen thrasher was hooked back up in minutes, and none of the blood or snot stopped it from giving me the hot metal injection I demand. Let me put it this way: the Hymen thrasher will treat you better than any girlfriend, because it screams louder, it's easier to pick up, and it shuts up when you take your plug out.
Customer Support: 10
You think I have time to talk to corporate non-rockers about this shit? No fucking way! Any time I got a problem with anything, my amigo Dino 939 sets me up just fine. Sometimes, I'll call the customer service number, and when heinrich picks up the phone, I'll put the receiver down by my amp and crank out "Fool for the City" by Foghat just to show my appreciation. He's never on the phone when I finish, but I'm sure he like's to hear how at least SOME of us know how to use his amps for the prep-smacking ROCK they wanna hear.
Overall Rating: 10
I've been playing long enough to know that this amp kicks more ass and gets more chicks than my band's last bass player. Look, if you're still reading this review, then you obviously have some sort of cranial damage. If you do, that means you probably already own a Hymen thrasher and a Signature Randy Rhoads Jackson V, in which case, KEEP ROCKIN'! Because if you didn't already own one of these, by now you should be at Guitar Center, buying your Hymen thrasher head and telling them how they need to hold a Guitar Center hymen thrash-a-thon, because it's the only amp that matters anyway.
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