Please rate my first "Metal" Song!

[LeftyCatton]

Ok, so a bit of back story....

A month ago or so I quit my job and am re-locating to London to chase the dream of becoming a working musician.... ( I'll be 27 this year so I guess its a now or never kinda thing before kids etc..... )

I've always wanted to form an original old school metal band and get gigging so I thought I better get writing!

This is a ( very ) rough demo recorded with a Zoom R24 recorder using a Shure SM57 + SM58 combo... Its me on the guitar and singing ( badly ).

https://soundcloud.com/lukecatton/were- ... e-original

I'd love some feedback on the actual songwriting, as this is a bit of a first proper go!

What I have learnt is that :

a) I can't record guitar tones for sh*t! I tried everything! Turning down the gain to 9 O'clock, two mics, on axis, off axis.....just gave up in the end!

b) I can't sing for sh*t....this however was not a surprise!

c) Im no lead player! Hence the two bluesy improv numbers that crop up!

If anyone has any pointers I'd love to hear them!

Cheers guys

Luke

 

[Bluplirst]

So its too late for "don't quit your dayjob"? JK!

 

[garey77]

So its too late for "don't quit your dayjob"? JK!

OOOh sick burn

on the real tip though, i thought the tune was very Danzig-ish. It seemed more punk to me than metal, for some reason.

 

[crankyrayhanky]

Musically it's pretty cool
Reminds me of some early Metallica, which contains a lot of punk influences
I think the vocal melody/phrasing in the chorus is real good, but the verse1&2 approach bothers me
The post solo stuff sounds solid
As for the songwriting, the tune comes in at almost 5 minutes; seriously consider editing that down to 3:30. Chop out verse2? That would allow you to keep the cool change up in the midsection.
Too much repetition, and listeners don't have the attention for a 5 minute tune of this ilk; 3:30 with rephrased verses and it's Gold

 

[The Traveller]

Musically it's pretty cool
Reminds me of some early Metallica, which contains a lot of punk influences

Me too! I thought it from the first couple of notes.

For being a rough demo it sounds like the song is on the right track. The first thing that I would say is the song seemed a bit too long. It sounds to me you are trying to cram too much into it. A problem I had when I first started writing. Some trimming and rearranging and this song will be good.

The following is just my opinion and maybe help you look at the riffs you have a little differently. That into riff would make a killer verse. And the riff that starts at 0.12 would make a killer chorus. The part you are using now as a verse would be a great part after a chorus and a cool solo riff.

Oh and major props to you for singing. I don't know when singing became uncool but I am so sick of the screaming and grunting in metal music right now. So anyone that has the balls to sing really stands out to me.

 

[LeftyCatton]

Cheers for taking the time to listen guys! This is exactly the kind of feedback I was looking for!

The verses don't really flow do they? I need to figure out a different vocal melody and/or lyrics....

Really interesting ideas about the re-arrangement, I'm going to have a play about with it later!

I'm no singer, but you should hear how bad my growling is!

Blupirst, yours is the best reply by far! ;-)

Cheers again guys!

 

[benduncan]

i really like the first part, :45 is where it looses me. id like to hear it go into the "do you choose where you feel" part there. having that repeat twice in a verse chorus style forum with a bridge+solo.

i actually like the guitar tone, with better a better record/mix i think that it would sound great. the riffs are good and i think you have a good voice.

id recommend seeing some type of voice instructor, it sounded like you were holding back just a little on the singing. learning to use your voice(i still am) could make a good voice sound great. to solo seemed a bit to in the blues box for me. the vibrato sounded a bit sharp(really getting picky, lol)

great old school thrash

also, i listened to some of your other songs, i really liked "don't talk to strangers"

P.S. If you want a good book about lyrics i really liked "the craft of lyric writing" by sheila davis

 

[LeftyCatton]

Thanks for listening to it man! As well as some of my other ideas! Massive props to you!

Yeah I need to go and see a vocal coach badly, even if I'm just eventually doing back up vocals.

I'm afraid I have no natural talent for composing solo's. I would definitely want a dedicated "lead" player in the band for this very reason!

Speaking of which does anyone know of or infact is a decent musician in and around north London? I'm looking for the whole shebang really, guitar, bass, drums.

Cheers again man

Luke

 

[rocknrolla]

That main riff is killer man! It's been stuck in my head all day. Stick with it.

 

[halebox]

Sounds kind of like diamond head. Its a good start. Vocally I think your voice will get there its got good qualities. For now I would say join an established old school thrashy band with people your age as a rhythm guitarist and a really good singer to get noticed. Do your solo thing on the side

 

[zerohawk]

Hmmm.... I'm just going to be as truthful as possible. Its pretty bad man lol. You probably shouldn't try and get famous over finding a nice career. It's cool to have a dream and all, but don't let it consume everything else in your life. Set up a band and just play some shows on the weekend and have fun with it. You can still rock the fuck out and have fun without trying to make it.

 

[LeftyCatton]

Hey man I appreciate your honesty! Ive been in the same career for the last 8 years and it's time for a change. I don't need to "make it big", just want to be in a regularly gigging band, hence why I think the move to London will help find other musicians. I will of course still have to get a job to pay the bills!

Thanks for taking the time to listen!

Cheers

Luke

 

[zerohawk]

Hey man I appreciate your honesty! Ive been in the same career for the last 8 years and it's time for a change. I don't need to "make it big", just want to be in a regularly gigging band, hence why I think the move to London will help find other musicians. I will of course still have to get a job to pay the bills!

Thanks for taking the time to listen!

Cheers

Luke

Yea man for sure. EVen if for some weird reason you didn't find any musicians, it will probably be fun as hell living in London! Good luck on the gigging and finding musicians!

 

[rocknrolla]

In 20 years you'll be more disappointed if you never try than if you give it your all and fail. Shoot for the moon man!

 

[benduncan]

In 20 years you'll be more disappointed if you never try than if you give it your all and fail. Shoot for the moon man!

im young but