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 Post subject: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Wed, Sep 11, 2019 1:06pm 
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My mom texted me Saturday morning.
‘Your father died this morning...’
Background. I haven’t seen him in 25 years.
My mom found out thru texts. But has been divorced since I was 13.
Guess he was found dead on the bathroom floor. Lived alone.
Vietnam vet. Didn’t think it would upset me.
Bastard to me from all I remember.
Just seems like while I was waiting for it.

The other shoe dropping isn’t always as planned. :aww:
Still grieving. But it’s getting better.

Anyone relate?

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Wed, Sep 11, 2019 2:12pm 
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Opposite for me. Great relationship with parents who seemed to have endless love for each other and the kids.

Both of my parents passings screwed me up in different ways. I followed my dad into aviation,and he fought cancer during my time in the Navy. By the time he finally let go,I had used all my vacation time visiting him in the hospital back home. My skipper had me sign blank leave paperwork to cover his ass,and sent me home for the funeral saying "Take your time." When I got back he tore up the blank paperwork.

During my mom's last years,my company gave me a regional driving gig so I could be home every weekend to take care of her. Never regretted a moment of it,and we always enjoyed our time together. Even got her to use marijuana to help her appetite during the last 6 months. Being there for her gave me a sense of purpose that I needed. Once she left this mortal coil,I was left without that sense of purpose.

I have been lucky to still have a fantastic older sister and her husband,and a group of local friends(all three on this forum)that helped be deal with the loss of my mom. They helped me clean out her house,and store my gear at their houses. I get choked up writing this,as I don't know where I would be now if they had not helped me through the ridiculous amount of drinking and self-destructive behaviour that I went through over the following year. It's been over 6 years now,but I think of my parents every night as I drive the countless miles of a trucker. And every thought of them is a happy one.

Those who are appreciative of what they have...or have had... are always much more happy than those who feel entitled to more. The key is being able to recognize what you have...or have had.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Wed, Sep 11, 2019 7:32pm 
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First off, my condolences to the both of you for your loss....^^

In 2012 my mother had a series of TIA's, or small strokes. She wasn't overweight, tried to exercise and had recently retired as a teacher. But, she smoked for 50+ years and her arteries had plaque buildup. Some of that plaque had dislodged and eventually caused her strokes. On her 4th she never fully recovered but for a few moments of lucid conversation...luckily for us we all (my brothers, their wives and kids, and my dad) got a chance to talk with her on New Yrs day 2013, for a few hrs. She passed the very next morning. My dad always put on a strong face for everything but he was broken, clearly. He thought she would recover and come home...it never happened.
6 months later my youngest brother called me, right as I got off work..he stopped by the house and found our dad. I had just talked with him 2 days prior, and he seemed fine. He probably passed within hours of that conversation. Heart failure. He never had any diagnosed heart issues prior.
It's just not possible to explain to anyone what it's like to have both of your parents pass, when they were far too young(69 and 71) with no real health issues...and no, you don't get over loss..you just learn to live with it. My parents were great people, who had many friends and family that loved them. They will always be missed. My mom, as a HS English teacher was really loved by her students...almost every year a group of students would stop by to give her flowers or some other gift....after school was done for the year.
We try to get to their grave once a year...it always hurts a little even though 6yrs have passed.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Wed, Sep 11, 2019 11:08pm 
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:(

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Thu, Sep 12, 2019 2:44am 
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My heart goes out to all you guys.

It's gonna be "interesting" when mine finally go. Mum married 3 times and almost always lived inter-state, which is a long way in Australia. Dad spent zero time with me whilst I was growing up and, let's just say, had a temper.

I usually get to see one of them at Christmas most years, but it's sad 'cause it's bad enough to have lost all my close friends through cancer, bushfire, suicide and my being long-term-ill; some decent family contact would always have been appreciated.

I say it'll be "interesting" 'cause even 'though I've dreaded it all my life, the lack of contact will likely help me deal with it, I reckon.

Again, so sorry to hear of your losses, guys. No escaping the pain, I'm afraid. Thankfully we all know that time, whist it doesn't "heal all wounds", as the saying goes, at least allows their pain to diminish.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Thu, Sep 12, 2019 2:35pm 
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Thanks for the chums that replied here.
Had about 10 more thru pms.
All appreciated. :thumbsup:
Really hard topic.

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If im not back tomorrow...……...
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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Thu, Sep 12, 2019 2:42pm 
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Yeah, it sucks hard. I'm more like rottingcorps above in that I had a great relationship with my Dad. About 6 years ago, he got a wound on the back of his elbow, got a bacterial infection in his bloodstream and was gone in 6 weeks. He was 76, so still had life to live. We spent lots of time together doing many things and I spent some time every day that he was in the hospital. That gives me some solace in that I really have no regrets on our relationship. But man, after he was gone it was/is just so damn different. He always helped me with my projects around the house and he had 13 acres and I was out there helping him with stuff too. Now that's all gone. Really empty feeling. Mom is still going on pretty well, so that is good. But some days it seems like it was yesterday and other days, it seems like it's been a million years ago. Crazy how the mind works. Still really miss him pretty much every day. Hang in there Mailman!!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Thu, Sep 12, 2019 2:48pm 
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Thanks man!!
Listen to momentarlly lapse of reason.
Empty spaces. Pink Floyd.
Kinda clears my mind.

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If im not back tomorrow...……...
Nothing really matters.....
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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Thu, Sep 12, 2019 3:25pm 
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...wow... dude not a great year for you is it... :aww:

what a bizarre stage of life us 40-50 (ish) somethings are going through. close friends, family, parents passing on,,,some way too soon.

had a good friend, former co-worker, she passed about 3 weeks ago; 45 yrs & Cancer. her husband (old HS buddy) texted me today saying, "well, i did something i've never done before...i cried in a damn meeting..."

folks passing...all this is nothing new...been around forever, but how the frik do you plug a hole in your soul when shit like this goes down; i suppose you cope, like some above mentioned and get along best you can. enjoy who and what you've got whilst you've got it.

my folks are still at it, 75 & 71 respectively. they laugh and fight every day with each other... lmao, it's kinda funny to me. my dad can work my mom up to a damn steam in about 2 seconds. but, we talk everyday, dad and i play golf quite a bit. mom and i are having dinner tonight (dad won't make it cause he's playing golf :lol: :LOL: , that drives her nuts). in a weird sort of way, i almost feel like im trying to use all my gift cards before they expire...b/c at some point they will, and i'll have to cope with them no longer being there

MMan...sorry as i can be for your loss dude.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Thu, Sep 12, 2019 5:41pm 
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My mother died one year ago today on her 67th birthday. She was on vacation with her mother, sister, and sister-in-law at the beach. She drowned in a freak accident. That morning, I texted her happy birthday when I was walking into work. Three hours later, I was being told that she was gone.

My mom and dad where high school sweethearts. They married in 1970 when my dad got back from Vietnam. They were faithful to each other until the end. It breaks my heart to think of my dad all by himself in his house. We go over to his house a lot and eat with him about once a week. I try and talk to him every day.

Momma was a major factor in our lives. She keep my kids (3, 6, 8) every Friday night. She picked them up every Monday and Friday and took them all to school or daycare. She sat with us at church every Wednesday and Sunday. She loved them more than anything.

I was adopted. I’d made contact with my birth mother in the summer 2017. She basically told me that I should be glad she didn’t abort me and that she didn’t want any contact with me in any shape or form.

By contrast, my true mother was the best human being I’ve ever known. She was truly a selfless and giving person. She had touched so many people in the course of her life, we had to rent the local civic center for her memorial. Approximately 600 people showed up. It was an amazing tribute to her.

I’ve only in just the last few months even been able to listen to music again, much less want to play my guitar. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed to say that I’m a Christian, and so was she. I’m confident in where she is and that I’ll see her again. I’ll miss her terribly every day until then.

My heart goes out to anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Thu, Sep 12, 2019 5:45pm 
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Beautiful post, Willy. I'll think good thoughts for you today.

God bless, mate.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Thu, Sep 12, 2019 5:48pm 
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Monkey Man wrote:
Beautiful post, Willy. I'll think good thoughts for you today.

God bless, mate.


Thanks, man. I really appreciate that.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Thu, Sep 12, 2019 5:57pm 
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:2thumbsup:

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Thu, Sep 12, 2019 9:18pm 
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Awesome Willy....
Awesome. I kinda reached out. Not sure for what...
But you just captured it. :yes:

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Thu, Sep 12, 2019 10:20pm 
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Really sorry to hear about all of your losses.

And yeah, Mailman has had a tough year. Glad he is bouncing back.

MrDowntown wrote:
what a bizarre stage of life us 40-50 (ish) somethings are going through. close friends, family, parents passing on,,,some way too soon.


For sure man. Crazy. I lost my best friend and my boss to cancer last year. I'm so sick of saying it but 'Cancer Sucks'!

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A bunch of pedals
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"PEOPLE TRUST ME WITH THEIR LIVES,,,,, THINK ABOUT IT!" - Billy Blades

"I don't let peoples opinion of me rent space in my head, its none of my bidness."- Charveldan

"Mr. Blades is a dickwad, can't play for shit, can't make an amp to save his life and has shit gear.
Dan is largely misunderstood, a great person, a good GP and has excellent gear. Other than that they are nothing alike."
- Charveldan 03/02/16..............AKA: Chester Nimitz


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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Fri, Sep 13, 2019 7:58am 
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I work at a funeral home. Your perspective changes when you see this everyday. What's really difficult is seeing children that have passed. You never become accustom to that.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Fri, Sep 13, 2019 8:23am 
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stephen sawall wrote:
I work at a funeral home. Your perspective changes when you see this everyday. What's really difficult is seeing children that have passed. You never become accustom to that.


I work for an Architectural Firm... a past client of mine was a Funeral Home Owner...boy did i learn and hear more than i wanted about that business...

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Fri, Sep 13, 2019 8:46am 
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My dad has had some nagging health shit that has him ready to give up. Feels like my world is imploding. Shit at work hit the fan today too. I’m turning to him rn for advice. I’m beyond thankful for his presence, and my heart and condolences goes out to those who have lost parents. I rue the day.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Sun, Sep 15, 2019 12:04am 
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Condolences for all of the losses.

My mom passed a few years ago. I wasn’t close with her, but it’s still surreal.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Sun, Sep 22, 2019 2:58pm 
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My parents are both healthy and doing well, and I'm thankful that a few years ago we relocated across country so I could be fairly near to them. However, I lost my mother-in-law in August. She was diagnosed with a return of cancer in May and by the end of July it was clear that treatment wasn't going to do anything. I thought we had months, but it was only a couple of weeks at that point. She was a great woman who raised three excellent children and about a dozen other surrogate children from the community - who all showed up to talk about her being foundational in their upbringing/childhood. The entire funeral and visitation ended up being very uplifting from my perspective. However, I'm concerned with how it'll hit everyone at the first shared holiday with her gone.

I worry about my father-in-law now, but he seems to be getting out and being active at least. He's 83 and still pretty strong physically. It definitely makes me think about my own parents and what time we have left. Now that we're into our 50's, attending funerals of aunts, uncles, parents, etc. is becoming how we see extended family. A decade ago it was weddings of nieces and nephews, and way back it was a wedding or two every month through the summer. It's funny how life goes through these stages . I could do with a little break before the next of these we deal with.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing a parent ....
PostPosted: Sun, Sep 22, 2019 7:50pm 
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Indeed, sorry for your loss, mate.

"Funny", it was my mother-in-law just one month before yours. Same thing (cancer), and she was only in her early '60s.

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