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PostPosted: Tue, Jul 16, 2019 12:07pm 
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Hack

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I don’t mean to sound rude to those who might smoke marijuana regularly, but I’ve got to vent about my first true experience with it last night. I’m not sure why it affected me the way it did, but boy it was a flat out doozie.

Just to preface, I’ve never been one for drugs, nor have I sought to have these “mind-altering experiences”. Getting high has never been a proposition that appealed to me. That kind of thing has always repelled me, and couple that with the fact that I absolutely despise everything about that “hippie trippy” culture, and just all of that type of thing, it’s just never appealed to me.

So, moving on to my experience. Yesterday, a guy I knew had some, and I just found myself in the right time, place, and situation to get ahold of it. He was smoking a joint out on my property, and at first I had no interest in it, but my curiosity got the best of me, so I had him give me the rest of it to put up for later.

Anyway about 7:30pm last night I went out back behind my house and smoked it. I have no experience with this stuff, so apparently I smoked WAY too much. I probably took seven good hits.

Man, I’ll tell you what, I NEVER want to feel that again. This must have been some potent stuff because I was completely out of my mind. I was all alone. I felt like I was doomed. It was nothing I ever want to experience again.

I started having all these intense, introspective thoughts that were terrifying. I started to think these terrible thoughts about myself, and even had suicidal thoughts. It was like an amplified version of the darkest thoughts I’ve ever thought. It was total despair. I just wanted it to be over.

I paced my floor for about an hour before finally deciding I needed to lay down. After laying down my body was pulsating intensely, and I was out of mind, but I toughed it out, and managed to calm myself down, and calm my nerves and heart rate after a while. I then kind of drifted off to a mild sleep, and after about an hour and a half I woke back up, and I could tell I was starting to come down of it a bit.

Boy it’s noon the next day and I still feel weird. I’m not high anymore, but I don’t feel 100% myself. I think I’ve confirmed that I don’t like marijuana, or drugs at all for that matter. That’s not anything I ever want to experience again.


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PostPosted: Tue, Jul 16, 2019 12:17pm 
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Supah Stah
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I wish you would have posted during the episode. Chocolate would have helped chill you right out. Some strands are intense (like the one you took) and some are relaxing.The intense one is excellent for activities like guitar playing.
Also, you probably would want to be with some buddies and have some games or fun activity/exploration planned.

You may have released some inner turmoil that needs to be addressed- the pot didn't create that, it just exposed it. You could use that knowledge as a powerful tool moving forward to try to address some of the things inside.

You did it all wrong, lol. I'm glad you made it out the other side!

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PostPosted: Tue, Jul 16, 2019 12:24pm 
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Hack

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crankyrayhanky wrote:
You may have released some inner turmoil that needs to be addressed- the pot didn't create that, it just exposed it. You could use that knowledge as a powerful tool moving forward to try to address some of the things inside.


I was thinking the same thing. The positives were that it definitely brought to light some issues with me and with my life and forced me to view their true ugliness face to face, and it was absolutely horrifying. Like a nightmare that came to life. It has definitely lit some fire under me to make positive changes to myself.

There were also some very intense thoughts of self-hatred, judging myself in ways I’ve never done before. This was the point that I started getting suicidal thoughts. It was scary, and intense. Hope I never feel that again.


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PostPosted: Tue, Jul 16, 2019 1:28pm 
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MonsterTone wrote:
crankyrayhanky wrote:
You may have released some inner turmoil that needs to be addressed- the pot didn't create that, it just exposed it. You could use that knowledge as a powerful tool moving forward to try to address some of the things inside.


I was thinking the same thing. The positives were that it definitely brought to light some issues with me and with my life and forced me to view their true ugliness face to face, and it was absolutely horrifying. Like a nightmare that came to life. It has definitely lit some fire under me to make positive changes to myself.

There were also some very intense thoughts of self-hatred, judging myself in ways I’ve never done before. This was the point that I started getting suicidal thoughts. It was scary, and intense. Hope I never feel that again.

I'm gonna step out of character and NOT be an asshole here for a moment. If any strain of mary-j made you feel that suicide was a possibility, it's not the drug. Please seek assistance of some kind. Those thoughts may be locked away on a regular basis, but as someone that went through a suicidal period in my twenties, they're never gone until you've actually confronted, dealt with, and come to understand where they came from in a way that allows you to place them where they belong . . . behind you.

Thank whatever deity, power, spirit or great spaghetti monster you believe in you're still here today, then take whatever steps you need, whether that's beginning a meditation routine for now, or actually finding professional help. Please.


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PostPosted: Tue, Jul 16, 2019 2:16pm 
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nightflameauto wrote:
MonsterTone wrote:
crankyrayhanky wrote:
You may have released some inner turmoil that needs to be addressed- the pot didn't create that, it just exposed it. You could use that knowledge as a powerful tool moving forward to try to address some of the things inside.


I was thinking the same thing. The positives were that it definitely brought to light some issues with me and with my life and forced me to view their true ugliness face to face, and it was absolutely horrifying. Like a nightmare that came to life. It has definitely lit some fire under me to make positive changes to myself.

There were also some very intense thoughts of self-hatred, judging myself in ways I’ve never done before. This was the point that I started getting suicidal thoughts. It was scary, and intense. Hope I never feel that again.

I'm gonna step out of character and NOT be an asshole here for a moment. If any strain of mary-j made you feel that suicide was a possibility, it's not the drug. Please seek assistance of some kind. Those thoughts may be locked away on a regular basis, but as someone that went through a suicidal period in my twenties, they're never gone until you've actually confronted, dealt with, and come to understand where they came from in a way that allows you to place them where they belong . . . behind you.

Thank whatever deity, power, spirit or great spaghetti monster you believe in you're still here today, then take whatever steps you need, whether that's beginning a meditation routine for now, or actually finding professional help. Please.

Thanks. I very much agree. I don’t know what was in that joint. I guess it was my own stupidity for trusting it, which is why I suppose the old “curiosity killed the cat” adage exists. All I know is that I’ve never been to a place so dark and overwhelming. It has definitely ignited a desire to do better in my life, which I plan to use for a positive outcome.


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