Selling out my own bandmates. (long)

Telephant

Telephant

Active member
I have a chance to fly out to LA and record an album with a phenomenal engineer/producer next week. Problem is, none of my bandmates can afford it. You'd think they'd scrape anything they have together and get their asses out there but they cant/wont. Its not like they're married or have kids. The drummer plays in Honky and sells weed ro make a living. The bass player is running a cafe inside a hair salon. They told me they can get the time off but they just dont have the money to get out there.

So, I told the engineer/producer to find some session players. He's going to lay down bass and keys and he found a drummer.

Now the kicker, I dont feel bad about using session players. I wrote the music, lyrics, and did all the arrangement. Also, the bass player is the weakest link. He's got great feeling, but not the chops, and he doesnt contribute to the writing because he doesnt write our style of music. My drummer is good, but he's also a flake. And even the drummer agrees we need a better bass player but since they're best friends, he doesnt have the heart too tell him either.

Why I do feel bad: Because they're my friends. I dont want to hurt their feelings, but at the same Id be foolish to pass on this opportunity. And deep down I think this record will sound better because they're not playing on it. And thats a terrible thing to say. :cry:

Now a little back story: The reason we even got this gig is because Ed D hooked us up with a gig at NAMM. They couldnt afford to pay for that trip either. So I payed for all their plane tickets, and their room. Around $2000 for all of us. They never paid me back.

I just talked to the bass player and asked him again if he could make it out, and he said no. I didnt have the heart to tell him I was planning on going out without them. Im trying to avoid tellng them because its obviously going to suck. And Im wondering what they'll do when I do tell them. Will they quit? Will they be pissed off for awhile and then continue to play live with me? My goal is to make this album, shop it, and see what happens. But if it gets picked up, will I have to find new band members? Most likely.

Part of me just wants to take my music and split. As if this is an excuse to finally get rid of them and start moving forward with better musicians and connections. Ive already got a friend who will play bass (and do a better job of it, and he can sing backup!).

So Im selling out my bandmates and going for it. In the meantime, Im also pushing The Bexar County Bastards hard. We've got some great gigs lined up and we've already started booking a west coast tour in february with a band from Norway called The Dirty Callahans.

Thing is, Im unsure how to tell BTD Im going out there. Should I just call them and tell them the band is over and Im going out their on my own and that Im changing the band name? Should I tell them when I get back and let the chips fall as they may? IM leaning towards telling them I quit the band, deleting the myspace, recording under a different name, and then come back to Austin and see what happens. In the meantime, Ill play with Bexar County Bastards, and assemble a new line up on the side.

I find myself lacking the balls to tell them though. I feel disloyal. I know this is business, but they're still my friends. :aww:
 
Shit bro, rough situation..... good luck, just be honest and make sure to let them know, your not doing it to screw them over, but take advantage of a cool offer.

I wanna copy when you get done :thumbsup:
 
It's hard bro. I just told my two best friends that I didn't want to play with them anymore. So I know where you're at. Just be honest with them when you do decide to tell them. Ultimately, you have to do what makes you happy.
 
Personally, I would feel better telling them before hand. It's a business decision, and if they can't understand that, that's their problem. It sounds like they're dead weight, and if you don't bail on them, you will be wasting time that could be spent working with pros. Best of luck!
 
Shea,
I know they are your friends...and responsible friends would have paid you the money back for the plane tickets you bought them previously etc.....now, as far as your music goes...this is your dream isn't it? how often does a chance like this come along? once again, I know they are your friends, BUT...they obviously aren't responsible enough or have enough initiative to scrape the money together to go make an album..now, if they can't be happy for you going on your own and using session players to make your music, then i'd have to say it is their problem. I know it puts you in a weird spot but that's just part of a 4 letter word called LIFE !....i mean..what are you supposed to do? buy them all more plane tickets that they will not pay you back for again? or worse yet...food etc...while you're out there making the album?....go with your heart and follow your dreams bro!!! of course, try to be respectful toward your friends...but if they are indeed true friends..they will be elated you are getting this chance!!!
later,
jason

oh yeah, congratulations and i want a copy of that when you're done!!!
 
Just be honest with them and tell them you hired session players. You gave them a shot and it wasn't important enough for them to scrape up the cash they backed out on you really. If they are your friends they wouldn't expect you to pass up a great opportunity. Its just my opinion but I say do it.
 
You've got a great opportunity and are doing the right thing. Especially after footing the bill for the NAMM gig. Go record it and get the other bass player that sings on board after. Either your old drummer will realize it's a great change and join or just find another one. Just tell them that you need more commitment and have a great opp. comming up. Not sure if you should do it b4 the recording or after or what to do exactly with your myspace. Good luck - I'd love to record my stuff with studio musicians though!
 
you're not selling anyone out. If there hearts were truly into it they would have found a way to make it out there without any hesitation. I know when I was younger I would have busted my ass to make money to go at any cost and them sitting on there fat asses should tell you where there heads are at. )straihjt up there asses if you ask me!_)

You also know that I love the guys who you talking about but there actions speak volumes.

go and don't look back.
 
Shea,
You aren't selling out anyone... You are giving them a chance they would NOT have without you at this point. If they don't want to go, that is their choice.

Quit the band, delete the Myspace, record under a different name and let the chips fall where they may. This is not only
your possible career but your LIFE as well, you only get ONE shot at life so make the best you can of it...

When you do hit it big, remember us little folk! :rock:

Gary
 
If they are your friends, be honest. You'll soon find out if they are truly your friends or not. When it's all said and done, it's really that simple.
 
It sounds like its time for tough love. Do your thing, follow your dream. If they're truly your friends they'll understand, and expect you to kick down to them when you're big, rich, and famous.
 
Just be honest. You are in a place that they are not, if they are your friends, they will wish you the best.
If they were as serious as you, they would come up with the money. What about their family and friends ?
Maybe they think you are desperate and will pay their way. If you have already felt like forming another line up for your band, this situation should be the time to cut them out.
 
You have to do it Shea, as some have said they have put their path in front of them and they now have to understand your actions. If they are truely your friends they would be behind you and wish you the best of luck. I would have flipped burgers as a 2nd job to have that money ready, I am sure you told them that this may happen.

Be honest and dont let it bother you too much.
 
Oh, if you had not told them or offered then yes that would have been pretty low but in your case you are not since the invite was there, you're even a good enough person to let the weaker musician continue so no you are not selling out.
 
Everybody has different goals and motivations so we place our energy where it suits us best Shea. Yours is obviously in a different place than theirs.

Help them separate the friendship from the band and then tell them you guys have different musical goals and that you're moving on. "Let's hang again sometime soon, just without the music..."

I know it's not as simple as that, but that's my story and i'm stickin' to it.

Edit: Forgot the selling out part. If that's called selling out... sell out.
 
I went through the same situation when I moved to L.A. - had management and the guys just didn't want to give up their comfortable life. You have to move on or they will keep you right where you are for a long time, and you don't want to get older and have to wonder "what if I'd done..." - your real friends would never wish that on you. But I know it's tough because they're your friends, but you have to do what's inside you.
 
Only real issue is if they can make a claim to the publishing rights. Sounds like you are the den mom, camper dad, and the fun uncle - all rolled up into one. Let me guess, you handle all the management, booking and promotion too? If it's a band without any significant income, and you are forking it all out, they need to be glad you are willing to be Mr. money bags too. Friends are one thing, professionalism is another.
 
As long as you own the publishing you are cool. What are you supposed to do, man? No one wants to go ferrchrisakes. You wrote all the music and lyrics. Tell them since no one can go, you are officially disbanding BTD and are gonna record the material you created on your own with session guys and will put a band together later. No hard feelings, but you are the only one committed to becoming a full time, professional musician. If you wanna be one, ya gotta do whatcha gotta do, friends or not... I'd definitely tell them what is up now though. That IS what a friend would do...

Good luck to you, Shea - I love the BTD material you've created...

Steve
 
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