In the words of Norm MacDonald
"Well, there may be trouble in paradise. Lisa Marie Presley confirmed this week that she and Michael Jackson live in separate residences, fifty miles away from each other. Lisa Marie was quoted as saying, "I guess being married to a homosexual pedophile wasn't such a great idea after all."
"Reports say that Michael Jackson's wife is now pregnant with the pop star's second child. Asked why he decided to become a father again so soon, Jackson explained that his 7-month-old son is starting to lose his looks."
"And, finally, sources report that Michael Jackson's baby is due February 27th and it's going to be named Michael Jackson Junior. Michael plans to be with the mother during the delivery, in his words, to make up for not being there for the conception."
"The nation is still reeling from Thursday's bombshell announcement that Lisa Marie Presley has filed for divorce from Michael Jackson. According to friends, the two were never a good match. She's more of a stay at home type, and he's more of a homosexual pedophile."
"Following the singer's recent collapse and hospitalization, reports say Michael Jackson decorated his hospital room with giant photographs of Shirley Temple. Don't get the wrong idea here folks, we'd like to remind you that Michael Jackson is, in fact, a HOMOSEXUAL pedophile."