what's the worst gear manual you've ever read?

[Zachman]

PCM80 and the Digitech Vocalist definitely

 

[70strathead]

in light of scott on the cusp of receiving a eventide h3000,
i thought it fitting to discuss

personally it's a toss up between the boss se-50 i had, and the lexicon pcm 91 i use for live sound.
the boss manuals are originally written in japanese by the most boring engineers on the planet, and then transcribed verbatim by the most boring english translators on the planet. and there are like 50 pages dedicated to sysex commands...funny i can't seem to find my breath controller and my touch wheel has gone south...

the lexicon manuals are just plain insufficient. they never seem to divulge all the critical information you need in a clear and concise manner when you are digging in deep to program a preset, and there are only elevendyquintillion parameters hidden in layers per preset to manage which you somehow have to remember, and mentally retain the interactive relationships of, because you can only see one parameter at a time. spin. wander. mid rt. crossover. patching. chains. aaiieeeeee...!!!! their parameter and control descriptions are so vague is a crime. "let's make the manual easy to navigate by leaving things out!" it's engineer speak and user friendly readability gone horribly wrong.

but the worst i've seen in zachman's eventide h8000 fw. it's the size of a telephone book and like trying to learn how to pilot a chinese nuclear sub via morse code.

 

[70strathead]

In the spirit of mentoneman's zany humor, i thought I'd ad quotes to these items..
Alesis SR-16 Drum Machine..." i just want it to swing hard, quantize this!??"
Korg SD-3300 Triple Delay..." Im not "The Edge", nor do i want to be"

both of which I no longer own, good riddance!

A

 

[crwnedblasphemy]

the GMAJOR...and anyting ROLAND!

 

[Meathead]

the GMAJOR...and anyting ROLAND!

You said it!
I have a really nice Roland keyboard and I don't use much of what it can do...the manual is for people with a degree in Roland keyboard programming...and to simply find something useful like midi commands...yikes.

Manuals should have all the basic-need stuff in the first 10-20 pages...simple to find in an easy to read format...then talk about the difficult mumbo-jumbo for the next 100 pages with an index at the back, but try harder to make the mumbo-jumbo understandable.

 

[mentoneman]

Anything by Roland.

hehe yep, I remember helping my buddy with his VS-880 or whatever the hell it was. What a pain in the ass just to record a track. At least that was my impression at the time.

My Dad's old TEAC 244 was a breeze compared to it.

oh man shut up i have one of those vs-880ex(panded) which means TWO manuals....twice the awesome thrill !! roland and boss are the same company. instructions = mind numbing blur of bone dry definitions. they should have told me i'd have to read and recall an entire encyclopedia set before i was qualified to operate the "on" button. commies...oh and the wonderful "quick start" guides....about as quick as growing a 300 foot sequoia tree in the sahara.

i have had it and the roland groove box/sampler for many years, and i still don't know how to use most of the buttons.... i read a few pages and hate it so much i instantly begin daydreaming about root canals and fixing my sprinklers...you know, fun exciting stuff.

honestly they should hire line 6 or alesis to write their manuals. those guys know how to write fun manuals for guitar players.

 

[SFW]

Anything NOT printed by Mesa/Boogie. I swear that they make the BEST manuals.

 

[Meathead]

Anything NOT printed by Mesa/Boogie. I swear that they make the BEST manuals.

Mesa manuals are entertaining...they make you feel like you've bought the best amp in the world with their descriptions.
I actually liked the Lonestar manual more than the Lonestar itself (which I sold) the manual almost made me want to keep it.

 

[Neeklaus]

Behringer FCB1010

FUCKING USELESS

 

[Cornfordcrunch]

Anything Rocktron. The technical writer who writes for them must get extra money for unnecessary verbage.

 

[Digital Jams]

Anything NOT printed by Mesa/Boogie. I swear that they make the BEST manuals.

Mesa manuals are entertaining...they make you feel like you've bought the best amp in the world with their descriptions.
I actually liked the Lonestar manual more than the Lonestar itself (which I sold) the manual almost made me want to keep it.

Mesa has the same writing staff as Eventide, you swear after reading one that you now own the Ark of the Covenent and opening it will throw Randall's demons upon you and you will die a 1000 deaths.

 

[mentoneman]

Anything NOT printed by Mesa/Boogie. I swear that they make the BEST manuals.

oh yes. my triaxis manual made me feel special indeed. maybe over the top claims but easy to understand and entertaining.

 

[Meathead]

Anything NOT printed by Mesa/Boogie. I swear that they make the BEST manuals.

Mesa manuals are entertaining...they make you feel like you've bought the best amp in the world with their descriptions.
I actually liked the Lonestar manual more than the Lonestar itself (which I sold) the manual almost made me want to keep it.

Mesa has the same writing staff as Eventide, you swear after reading one that you now own the Ark of the Covenent and opening it will throw Randall's demons upon you and you will die a 1000 deaths.

You've joined the elite Mesa club...Mesa did everything just right on your amp and...

------here comes version II to fix some bugs and things

Now the amp is perfect in every way, you will cast a sweet spell on all that hear you play and...

------here comes version III to tweak some more things that I guess weren't right

Mesa has brought you the finest amp available, you are about to experience what lush is all about....

------Mesa drops the line

 

[guitarnoize]

Although you don't really need the manual, Morley's are almost non-existant.

 

[degenaro]

Samplitude version 6, 7, 8, 9, 10...

try logic....v4-9