Is This Fair? Advice Please.

  • Thread starter Thread starter 2ncicu
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2ncicu

2ncicu

Well-known member
Solid advice, no smart asses please. My Dad recently passed, Mom still living but has Dementia and in Long Term Care... They have several millions and my oldest brother talked my Dad into gifting $ to the Siblings to avoid an estate tax or whatever. 17K a year is the limit for each. The oldest talked him into gifting. He runs the Medical side although 3 of us are RN's, Sister runs the financial side. (2nd eldest). All retired except eldest and youngest.
Anyways, the oldest told me to expect a 17k check soon as will all 5 siblings. 4 siblings are married- I am the middle child and I divorced a decade ago. Apparently, ALL the spouses are also receiving 17k--- WTF???? I thought it was gifting to SIBLINGS. My dad was in a state of confusion before passing and 8 months ago my eldest brother told me he was trying to keep Parents out of estate tax shit- so all this went down recently.
I don't have a problem with the spouses getting stuff if legal, I guess- but I feel since I am unmarried shouldn't my only Son be entitled to a split of the 68K (4) spouses. I am pissed about it. I do not need the extra money but I think it is pretty fucked up. Thoughts?
 
2ncicu said:
Solid advice, no smart asses please. My Dad recently passed, Mom still living but has Dementia and in Long Term Care... They have several millions and my oldest brother talked my Dad into gifting $ to the Siblings to avoid an estate tax or whatever. 17K a year is the limit for each. The oldest talked him into gifting. He runs the Medical side although 3 of us are RN's, Sister runs the financial side. (2nd eldest). All retired except eldest and youngest.
Anyways, the oldest told me to expect a 17k check soon as will all 5 siblings. 4 siblings are married- I am the middle child and I divorced a decade ago. Apparently, ALL the spouses are also receiving 17k--- WTF???? I thought it was gifting to SIBLINGS. My dad was in a state of confusion before passing and 8 months ago my eldest brother told me he was trying to keep Parents out of estate tax shit- so all this went down recently.
I don't have a problem with the spouses getting stuff if legal, I guess- but I feel since I am unmarried shouldn't my only Son be entitled to a split of the 68K (4) spouses. I am pissed about it. I do not need the extra money but I think it is pretty fucked up. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
It's definitely fucked up. And if any of the siblings had any real financial sense you would have set up a trust. My dad is 83 and in dementia and my 80 year old mother is still living. We are in the middle of setting up a trust right now.

In any event you should sure as hell be receiving as much money as your siblings. And spouses shouldn't even be in the equation.
 
2ncicu said:
Solid advice, no smart asses please. My Dad recently passed, Mom still living but has Dementia and in Long Term Care... They have several millions and my oldest brother talked my Dad into gifting $ to the Siblings to avoid an estate tax or whatever. 17K a year is the limit for each. The oldest talked him into gifting. He runs the Medical side although 3 of us are RN's, Sister runs the financial side. (2nd eldest). All retired except eldest and youngest.
Anyways, the oldest told me to expect a 17k check soon as will all 5 siblings. 4 siblings are married- I am the middle child and I divorced a decade ago. Apparently, ALL the spouses are also receiving 17k--- WTF???? I thought it was gifting to SIBLINGS. My dad was in a state of confusion before passing and 8 months ago my eldest brother told me he was trying to keep Parents out of estate tax shit- so all this went down recently.
I don't have a problem with the spouses getting stuff if legal, I guess- but I feel since I am unmarried shouldn't my only Son be entitled to a split of the 68K (4) spouses. I am pissed about it. I do not need the extra money but I think it is pretty fucked up. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Seriously!!!.................If your sibling AND their spouse each receive $17K YOU should receive $34K................no matter what.

I understand the tax issue but work around that as best you can BUT you SHOULD still get the $34K...............that's fair and equitable.
 
That's a tough situation to be in. Y'all should try to mediate together as a family. I am on your side about it though. It would be better, imo, to have the 4 spouses divide their part 5 ways, maybe? If they're on board. Then they would each get a bit less, but still be getting. So instead of each of the 4 getting $17k, the 5 would get $13.6k. I obviously have no insight to your family, but I couldn't see anyone genuinely arguing that wouldn't be fair.
 
Floyd I said:
It's definitely fucked up. And if any of the siblings had any real financial sense you would have set up a trust. My dad is 83 and in dementia and my 80 year old mother is still living. We are in the middle of setting up a trust right now.

In any event you should sure as hell be receiving as much money as your siblings. And spouses shouldn't even be in the equation.
Click to expand...
It is in a trust
 
Funk'n Metal said:
That's a tough situation to be in. Y'all should try to mediate together as a family. I am on your side about it though. It would be better, imo, to have the 4 spouses divide their part 5 ways, maybe? If they're on board. Then they would each get a bit less, but still be getting. So instead of each of the 4 getting $17k, the 5 would get $13.6k. I obviously have no insight to your family, but I couldn't see anyone genuinely arguing that wouldn't be fair.
Click to expand...
I agree with this Lisa and what I will be discussing with the eldest and my Sister. I am not begging for $ for myself and don't care if spouses are included. I want it fair and equitable and I know that is how my dad would have wanted it.
 
Sorry for the loss of your father and your mother's ailment - and having to deal with this on top of everything. And yeah, it isn't fair and your siblings should pause and do the right thing - although that rarely happens with people anymore but hopefully so in your situation.
 
Floyd I said:
Have you talked to your siblings about it ? Who is in charge of the trust ? A lawyer I assume ?
Click to expand...
I don't know- some trust company or whatever. 2 oldest run it and I do trust them- maybe foolishly. I think there needs to be transparency though before these decisions are made.
 
watson503 said:
Sorry for the loss of your father and your mother's ailment - and having to deal with this on top of everything. And yeah, it isn't fair and your siblings should pause and do the right thing - although that rarely happens with people anymore but hopefully so in your situation.
Click to expand...
Thank you Bro.
 
Well, however it turns out don't let it destroy your family. My husband lost his entire share of inheritance to his half brother who burned through it all in less than a year with partying and buying a really expensive boat that he ended up crashing. They haven't talked in over 20 years since. It wasn't about the money, either. It was about the loyalty. There were legal arguments in the particular state about half siblings despite the wording in the inheritance being clear as day, and to not drag it through court my husband told his brother just to take the money and split it how he saw fit. He spent it all in the most douchebag way possible, none to his brother or sisters who were all in college at the time. Now days he calls his sisters once in a while to complain about how terrible and poor his life is and asks to borrow money that he has no intention of paying back. It's sad it turned out that way.
 
watson503 said:
Sorry for the loss of your father and your mother's ailment - and having to deal with this on top of everything. And yeah, it isn't fair and your siblings should pause and do the right thing - although that rarely happens with people anymore but hopefully so in your situation.
Click to expand...

Yes,
I agree, Watson ?

So very sorry for your loss, 2ncicu?
 
If you’re all beneficiaries but there’s a lawyer that’s one trustee and one of your brothers is the other they pulled a fast one gifting the spouses, that’s a creative work around that seems to benefit THEM at your loss. I’m pretty sure the exemption for federal taxes is up to 10 million for a married couple, but if the money was all in your dad’s name I think it’s 5 million. Did they get it into trust 5 years before your mom went into extended care ? And theres always state taxes when there’s a death, at least in my state Good luck
 
My father recently passed after stupidly submitting to the death jab . The laws keep changing with this Trust stuff . It's a major headache for sure.

Direct siblings should get the most no question about it .
 
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