A long time ago my buddy kept harassing me to go grab some drinks after work but I said no way the wife will kill me. Well he persuaded me and we hit this shitty bar. I only had a couple of drinks but he convinced me to keep on going. Well, after a shot of who knows what I threw up all over my shirt. I said “That’s it the wife’s gonna kill me now.” He said “It’s all good man just slip a $20 in your shirt pocket and tell her someone else did it and they’ll pay the cleaning bill.” I was like hot damn what a great idea and we started slamming ‘em.
Well, I walk in the door and there she is just standing there staring at me. She goes “Look at you, you reek of alcohol, you look like a total mess, and you threw up all over yourself!” I said “H-h-hold on honey, someone else did it and they gave me $20 and put it in my pocket to pay the cleaning bill.” She said “Well, why do you have $40 in there?” and I said “Oh yeah they shit in my pants too!”
