Ethics question

[psychodave]

Say you were one of 2 recipients (which are siblings) of an inheritance and you are the executor. Neither of you are gonna be rich but its a good chunk of money. Since there are only 2 of you there was nothing major involved except paying the funeral home and the hospital bills. The will doesn't state anything about the executor being paid but the state says you can take a percentage off the top which turns out to be a sizeable amount. Would you take it? Keep in mind what you take is coming directly out of your siblings pocket and you are already getting 1/2 of what is there .

Ahhh... the old 10% for the executor.

I wouldn't take it in your scenario.

 

[errrrrl]

Went thru something similar in 2018 with my dad and my sister. He passed, my sister lived in another state and I was the trustee that had to deal with all the medical issues. care home issues, you name it. Shitty work that nobody wants to do. As a trustee I was told I could log my time for billable hours which I didn't do. It sucked but you hear tales from friends n stuff about money destroying families and I totally believe it. My sister wanted me to take a bit more cause she didn't/couldn't lift a finger for anything but I passed.

Not sure if you have to do this or not but a lawyer said before any final distribution could be paid out, had to file something with the state to avoid probate, then place an ad in the paper notifying of death and for any outstanding debts etc to come forward for 3 months. After the 3 months the ad went down and we got the money.

I got a different ethics issue that just popped up. I still have a shared checking (my name is on it with my dad) that just got a stimulus payment for my dad direct deposit... He passed in 2018, declared it on his taxes, social security the whole nine yards.... not sure what to do... other than go towards a Wizard

 

[Racerxrated]

Went thru something similar in 2018 with my dad and my sister. He passed, my sister lived in another state and I was the trustee that had to deal with all the medical issues. care home issues, you name it. Shitty work that nobody wants to do. As a trustee I was told I could log my time for billable hours which I didn't do. It sucked but you hear tales from friends n stuff about money destroying families and I totally believe it. My sister wanted me to take a bit more cause she didn't/couldn't lift a finger for anything but I passed.

Not sure if you have to do this or not but a lawyer said before any final distribution could be paid out, had to file something with the state to avoid probate, then place an ad in the paper notifying of death and for any outstanding debts etc to come forward for 3 months. After the 3 months the ad went down and we got the money.

I got a different ethics issue that just popped up. I still have a shared checking (my name is on it with my dad) that just got a stimulus payment for my dad direct deposit... He passed in 2018, declared it on his taxes, social security the whole nine yards.... not sure what to do... other than go towards a Wizard

I'd be careful with that one....technically you could get in hot water if you accept it knowing that he's passed. Tread lightly.

 

[mooncobra]

This is just me...but if the deceased didn't mention this, I would deduct all costs or liens if any, and split after that.

+1

 

[errrrrl]

I'd be careful with that one....technically you could get in hot water if you accept it knowing that he's passed. Tread lightly.

Naw dude I'm not touching it. I feel weird it is even there. I googled it and apparently people who filed in 2018 and 2019 and passed away also got them. Looks like it is a known issue which I'm sure they will reverse. But I still think about getting a Wizard

 

[RedB4Black]

But I still think about getting a Wizard

I would

Just don’t use that $1,200 because they’ll be looking for it someday.

 

[UltraGary]

I'd never take anything off the top in this situation. You were made executor out of trust, expecting financial compensation for that is shallow and definitely not worth the mental baggage.

 

[splatter]

It's funny how everyone thinks I'm the executor. Of course, I can see why from the wording of the OP

My brother is the executor. I've been waiting on him to get off his ass and get the few outstanding bills paid so we can get the cash divided up. Cash is all there is to divide up there is no house or cars only cash. My parents put both our names on all the accounts so that when they go it would be no muss no fuss just split it down the middle.
So today I get a call from the Credit union wanting to know if I'm ok with them cutting a check for 100% of the assets to my brother.
Not just no but hell no. So when I call him up he says that he was trying to get the check ( without my knowledge mind you ) so that he could take his 54%, (that includes his executor fee) and then give me my share. .

Say I bought into this BULL SH** .

The first thing wrong with that is the IRS is gonna be on my door wanting their share because now it is not an inheritance, it is a gift from my brother.
The next thing wrong with that is if the executor gets a fee in Ga the fee is 2.5% of the money paid out. That comes off the top, not out of my 1/2 like I was originally told by him.

IMHO the executor fee is for someone who isn't an heir and is doing the work for free

Since the accounts have both our names on them I'm 99.9% sure he can't pull any of his executor crap to get the money without my signature.

Oh and when I brought all this to his attention he said I couldn't close out my 1/2 of the account because he had more dr bills to pay.
Funny how that didn't matter when he was closing them out.


So long story short my brother and his wife are PIECES OF SHIT and my inheritance will most likely sit in the bank for eternity because I'm not signing over any of my share to him.

 

[errrrrl]

That sucks man. Sorry for your loss also. Yeah if its a trust I do believe you have to sign a break down of the inheritance showing all fees n stuff from the executor/brother before final payout. There should be a family trust lawyer involved no? If not maybe get the dude that set it all up to chime in. As for the late bills from the hospital that shit is real. I had one come a year after my dad passed. Also might want to check if there was any kind of life insurance or pensions paying out too. Even social security will have a final payout for like 700 something. My dad was retired military and civil service so there was some special paper work that was a pain in the ass to file to get a survivors claim. Anyway best of luck with that shit.

 

[UltraGary]

Oh damn...sorry you're going through this. I went through this 2years ago, but without the nasty sibling element. To deal with the inevitable expenses that'll pop up in the next 6-12months (such as Disability needing to be paid back the month or two after the passing, if your parent was on Disability)....we split half while leaving half in the account, and then split the other half 12months later. That way there's a clean record of those delayed expenses hitting the account before you guys split it, without the entire amount hanging in the balance for too long.

 

[errrrrl]

That sounds like good advice Gary.

 

[splatter]

Oh damn...sorry you're going through this. I went through this 2years ago, but without the nasty sibling element. To deal with the inevitable expenses that'll pop up in the next 6-12months (such as Disability needing to be paid back the month or two after the passing, if your parent was on Disability)....we split half while leaving half in the account, and then split the other half 12months later. That way there's a clean record of those delayed expenses hitting the account before you guys split it, without the entire amount hanging in the balance for too long.

I would have been more than happy to do that and leave enough in the account to cover any incoming bills but after he pulled this crap I'm for getting mine out any way I can.

 

[Racerxrated]

It's funny how everyone thinks I'm the executor. Of course, I can see why from the wording of the OP

My brother is the executor. I've been waiting on him to get off his ass and get the few outstanding bills paid so we can get the cash divided up. Cash is all there is to divide up there is no house or cars only cash. My parents put both our names on all the accounts so that when they go it would be no muss no fuss just split it down the middle.
So today I get a call from the Credit union wanting to know if I'm ok with them cutting a check for 100% of the assets to my brother.
Not just no but hell no. So when I call him up he says that he was trying to get the check ( without my knowledge mind you ) so that he could take his 54%, (that includes his executor fee) and then give me my share. .

Say I bought into this BULL SH** .

The first thing wrong with that is the IRS is gonna be on my door wanting their share because now it is not an inheritance, it is a gift from my brother.
The next thing wrong with that is if the executor gets a fee in Ga the fee is 2.5% of the money paid out. That comes off the top, not out of my 1/2 like I was originally told by him.

IMHO the executor fee is for someone who isn't an heir and is doing the work for free

Since the accounts have both our names on them I'm 99.9% sure he can't pull any of his executor crap to get the money without my signature.

Oh and when I brought all this to his attention he said I couldn't close out my 1/2 of the account because he had more dr bills to pay.
Funny how that didn't matter when he was closing them out.


So long story short my brother and his wife are PIECES OF SHIT and my inheritance will most likely sit in the bank for eternity because I'm not signing over any of my share to him.

This should be fairly simple. The account is still in your parents names, with the both of you co-owning the account now correct? All you should have to do is go to the credit union with your brother(Painful as it may be) and have them cut each of you a check dividing the amount equally. Or, if you choose to give him the 4% 54-46% split. Since it's a check from the bank, not your brother it will be an inheritance since it clearly came from your parents account. Not a check issued from your brother. You won't be subject to any taxes unless the amount is over the inheritance tax threshold. You each will have the proper paperwork showing it came from your parents account which is now closed.
Just demand that you both go together and get this done jointly. Done.

 

[psychodave]

Went thru something similar in 2018 with my dad and my sister. He passed, my sister lived in another state and I was the trustee that had to deal with all the medical issues. care home issues, you name it. Shitty work that nobody wants to do. As a trustee I was told I could log my time for billable hours which I didn't do. It sucked but you hear tales from friends n stuff about money destroying families and I totally believe it. My sister wanted me to take a bit more cause she didn't/couldn't lift a finger for anything but I passed.

Not sure if you have to do this or not but a lawyer said before any final distribution could be paid out, had to file something with the state to avoid probate, then place an ad in the paper notifying of death and for any outstanding debts etc to come forward for 3 months. After the 3 months the ad went down and we got the money.

I got a different ethics issue that just popped up. I still have a shared checking (my name is on it with my dad) that just got a stimulus payment for my dad direct deposit... He passed in 2018, declared it on his taxes, social security the whole nine yards.... not sure what to do... other than go towards a Wizard

I read that the govt will eventually go after funds that weren’t supposed to sent out. I read to not cash the check or spend the deposited money.

 

[rstites]

In the case the OP outlines, I agree that the executor bit isn't reasonable. There are certainly cases where there's a lot to deal with and it might be a reasonable concession. It doesn't sound like this is it.

This is why I'm thankful my parents have a detailed will, so there will be no issues when they pass.

 

[ClintN667]

The fact that you are having to ask if its ethical you already know the answer. While technically you could it doesnt feel right. When someone dies its already an emotional time. Dont add to it.

My dad used to joke about writing me out of his will then he did. I didnt really care that he left everything to my step mom but there was some stuff that had sentimental value to me and my sister that had no value to her and probably ended up being sold in a yard sale or some shit. It was an emotional time but being shitty over the will was icing on the cake.

 

[Metalone72]

I am actually in that situation right now myself. I lost both my parents last year within a few months. I live about 5 1/2 hours away and was supposed to be the executor of the will. I relinquished my responsibilities to my youngest brother who is pretty sound money wise. I handled all the bills upfront until he became executor chasing down money getting refunds canceling accounts etc. About three months into his position as executor He springs on me that he is entitled to take 3% of the total value of the estate since he is the executor and that he was going to exercise that right. I argued with them for a long time that is unethical and not right especially since me and my other brother we’re doing a lot of the other responsibilities as well. He felt entitled because he used some of his contacts to sell the house and deal with a few other issues. But it wasn’t like his contacts saved us any money. They were basically his friends that he basically employed. I tried to discuss this with my other brother who for some reason has issues with me but all he could do was to agree with my other brother that he was deserving and that as long as it screwed me out of Money he was OK with it. I know I am on the other side of the fence where I am the one being screwed, but I honestly know I would never do that To them had I retained the title of executor. It should be a 33 1/3% split for all of us. I haven’t talked to them since and it’s been four months. I left it at that if he does take the percentage that I will basically write him off and be done with him. It’s not a large estate by any means and we are talking about $10K for his “fee”. For me it’s the principle. He doesn’t really care because he feels entitled and that the state or the law says he can do it so I really have no grounds to be upset with him. It sucks that this is what it comes down to. You hear it all the time but never think that it would happen but it does. Money makes people act weird.

 

[skullfxr]

The fact that you are having to ask if its ethical you already know the answer. While technically you could it doesnt feel right. When someone dies its already an emotional time. Dont add to it.

My dad used to joke about writing me out of his will then he did. I didnt really care that he left everything to my step mom but there was some stuff that had sentimental value to me and my sister that had no value to her and probably ended up being sold in a yard sale or some shit. It was an emotional time but being shitty over the will was icing on the cake.

I don't think you read through the whole thread. He is not the executor. his brother is. He didn't say that until later.

Edit: here is part of his quote...

It's funny how everyone thinks I'm the executor. Of course, I can see why from the wording of the OP

 

[GOHOINC]

In all the examples I have read from above, IMO, it all comes down to finding out what people really value... Do you/brother/family members value your relationship or the money? The concept of fair/unfair or right/wrong, to me, is only relevant to the point that the value of the relationship is greater than the value of the inheritance. Do you value being fair or being right over being a brother/sister etc.?

The real shame is that the brothers/family members involved in these examples seem to value the relationship pretty low if they are willing to jeopardize it over a few grand of inheritance. This is especially visible when a party takes action to secure the funds before communicating what they plan to do with the other parties and getting agreement/alignment. How hard is it reach out and explain to their brother/sister how much work they are putting in as executor and why, beyond being entitled to something by the letter of the law, they believe they should receive a percentage off the top for services provided.

Tis truly a shame that we as a people are willing to disregard or forget the value of relationships over a little bit of money. I've seen and am seeing similar things happening to various branches of my own extended family. Doesnt seem to resemble the same family I knew when we were children and didnt care about money. Is it really worth losing a relationship with your brother/sister, their spouse, nieces and nephews and what not over a few grand? My kids love playing with their cousins as much as anyone on this earth. I would not jeopardize that love and those relationships they have for a few grand.

 

[Scumback Speakers]

Say you were one of 2 recipients (which are siblings) of an inheritance and you are the executor. Neither of you are gonna be rich but its a good chunk of money. Since there are only 2 of you there was nothing major involved except paying the funeral home and the hospital bills. The will doesn't state anything about the executor being paid but the state says you can take a percentage off the top which turns out to be a sizeable amount. Would you take it? Keep in mind what you take is coming directly out of your siblings pocket and you are already getting 1/2 of what is there .

One of my buddies had this exact situation a few years back. His brother refused to help at all. My buddy was the executor of the estate, even though he was younger, because his older brother was such a jerk. But the brother was there to get his share of the estate. My buddy, wisely, decided to pay himself the executor fee.

He wound up having to travel a lot, lots of forms, lots of crap to sell the house through a realtor, pack up the parent's stuff, etc, etc. He wound up burning up, literally, months going through all the paper work and hassle.

When it was done, he was glad he didn't just split it and do it for free, after he found out just how much work it was. My wife went through the same thing four years ago. Same deal as my buddy. All her siblings just kept calling, bickering about "their share" and when was my wife going to get the money split up. It wasn't that much, I think $70k minus attorneys, forms, fees, setting up crap with the IRS (yes, she had a living trust but it's California, they screw with everything!), filing returns. It'll be four years in July, and she's still got crap to do (I just asked) to finalize it.

Pay yourself the executor fee, don't feel bad about it. Somebody has to do it, and there's only one executor. Just my .02 based on two real world experiences.