Ethics question

[PBGas]

What a crap situation Splatter. Hope this can somehow get resolved or maybe your brother will realize how much of an idiot he is. Money makes people ugly.

Great way to keep family together during these times.

 

[Rick Lee]

I'll be taking the fee. Settling my folks' estate will require my quitting work and moving to NJ for a while. At the very least, it would require several cross-country flights and long stays. And NJ is a regulatory state, so there will be a ton of BS to deal with, even though my folks have planned everything well. My sister won't be able to afford to do any of it, so it will be on me. I'm taking the fee and will sleep well at night for it. What's left after all is squared we'll split 50/50.

 

[errrrrl]

You hear it all the time but never think that it would happen but it does. Money makes people act weird.

Pretty much man. That sucks what happened to you. You definitely here about stuff like that all the time. The sad part is you know when parents are setting these things up, their goal is to not have their fighting over anything but I think that part gets forgotten about sometimes.

 

[splatter]

situation resolved .. I went to the credit union today and since both our names are on the account they cut me a check for 1/2 of it.
While I was there I got statements for the last 9 months. In those 9 months, my brother and his wife get over $123,000.00 out of my dad. $91,876.00 of it was supposed to be a loan to my brother so he could make a down pmt on his new home. I had to sign in order for him to use the money and he swore when his house sold he would put it back. He didn't, so there is $45k and some change I will never see that should have been part of my 1/2 of the estate.
So if it turns out that there are more bills to pay he can pay them. I'm done with his family and the whole situation.

Pissed because he stole 45k from me but really glad he didn't get the rest. Now on with my life.


Oh BTW I'm sure there was hell at his house tonight when he discovered I got my money. He assured me yesterday that I would need his signature.

 

[splatter]

double post

 

[splatter]

Say you were one of 2 recipients (which are siblings) of an inheritance and you are the executor. Neither of you are gonna be rich but its a good chunk of money. Since there are only 2 of you there was nothing major involved except paying the funeral home and the hospital bills. The will doesn't state anything about the executor being paid but the state says you can take a percentage off the top which turns out to be a sizeable amount. Would you take it? Keep in mind what you take is coming directly out of your siblings pocket and you are already getting 1/2 of what is there .

Why wouldn't you want to get reasonable compensation for work you've put in (as the executor/executrix)?

Only a moron would turn that down; especially considering the typical estate sizes nowadays.

Also keep in mind: time is money, too.

So if you were inheriting say 600k that wouldn't be enough you would need more? And it would come straight out of your sibling's pocket. Thats called Greed

 

[Racerxrated]

situation resolved .. I went to the credit union today and since both our names are on the account they cut me a check for 1/2 of it.
While I was there I got statements for the last 9 months. In those 9 months my brother and his wife get over $123,000.00 out of my dad. $91,876.00 of it was supposed to be a loan to my brother so he could make a down pmt on his new home. I had to sign in order for him to use the money and he swore when his house sold he would put it back. He didn't, so there is $45k and some change I will never see that should have been in my 1/2 of the estate.
So if it turns out that there are more bills to pay he can pay them. I'm don't with his family and the whole situation.

Pissed because he stole 45k from me but really glad he didn't get the rest. Now on with my life.

Wow. What an ass.

But at least it's over, and as you said, on with your life. Close the chapter.

 

[splatter]

In all the examples I have read from above, IMO, it all comes down to finding out what people really value... Do you/brother/family members value your relationship or the money? The concept of fair/unfair or right/wrong, to me, is only relevant to the point that the value of the relationship is greater than the value of the inheritance. Do you value being fair or being right over being a brother/sister etc.?

The real shame is that the brothers/family members involved in these examples seem to value the relationship pretty low if they are willing to jeopardize it over a few grand of inheritance. This is especially visible when a party takes action to secure the funds before communicating what they plan to do with the other parties and getting agreement/alignment. How hard is it reach out and explain to their brother/sister how much work they are putting in as executor and why, beyond being entitled to something by the letter of the law, they believe they should receive a percentage off the top for services provided.

Tis truly a shame that we as a people are willing to disregard or forget the value of relationships over a little bit of money. I've seen and am seeing similar things happening to various branches of my own extended family. Doesnt seem to resemble the same family I knew when we were children and didnt care about money. Is it really worth losing a relationship with your brother/sister, their spouse, nieces and nephews and what not over a few grand? My kids love playing with their cousins as much as anyone on this earth. I would not jeopardize that love and those relationships they have for a few grand.

Exactly, the thing is my brother and I have never been close. It goes back to when I was about 6 and one of his friends was beating the hell out of me on a daily basis. (My brother is older than me ) When I went to him for help he told me " just because he is beatiing you up doesn't mean I can't be friends with him"
Since then I haven't ever really had alot to do with him. Not holding a grudge I just knew where I stood with him.
I really didn't think he was such a low life till now.

 

[Scumback Speakers]

Exactly, the thing is my brother and I have never been close. It goes back to when I was about 6 and one of his friends was beating the hell out of me on a daily basis. (My brother is older than me ) When I went to him for help he told me " just because he is beatiing you up doesn't mean I can't be friends with him"
Since then I haven't ever really had alot to do with him. Not holding a grudge I just knew where I stood with him.
I really didn't think he was such a low life till now.

Don't get me started on my wife's family and the inheritance. You find out what they're really made of when there's money at stake. I know one is no longer welcome here, and the other one isn't exactly close, now that she got her portion of the money. Funny how that worked.

Probably best you checked into it sooner than later, as it turned out.

 

[crankyrayhanky]

MNight twist ending that we all should have seen coming.... the brother is Ill!

Good luck splatter, that sucks

 

[GOHOINC]

In all the examples I have read from above, IMO, it all comes down to finding out what people really value... Do you/brother/family members value your relationship or the money? The concept of fair/unfair or right/wrong, to me, is only relevant to the point that the value of the relationship is greater than the value of the inheritance. Do you value being fair or being right over being a brother/sister etc.?

The real shame is that the brothers/family members involved in these examples seem to value the relationship pretty low if they are willing to jeopardize it over a few grand of inheritance. This is especially visible when a party takes action to secure the funds before communicating what they plan to do with the other parties and getting agreement/alignment. How hard is it reach out and explain to their brother/sister how much work they are putting in as executor and why, beyond being entitled to something by the letter of the law, they believe they should receive a percentage off the top for services provided.

Tis truly a shame that we as a people are willing to disregard or forget the value of relationships over a little bit of money. I've seen and am seeing similar things happening to various branches of my own extended family. Doesnt seem to resemble the same family I knew when we were children and didnt care about money. Is it really worth losing a relationship with your brother/sister, their spouse, nieces and nephews and what not over a few grand? My kids love playing with their cousins as much as anyone on this earth. I would not jeopardize that love and those relationships they have for a few grand.

Exactly, the thing is my brother and I have never been close. It goes back to when I was about 6 and one of his friends was beating the hell out of me on a daily basis. (My brother is older than me ) When I went to him for help he told me " just because he is beatiing you up doesn't mean I can't be friends with him"
Since then I haven't ever really had alot to do with him. Not holding a grudge I just knew where I stood with him.
I really didn't think he was such a low life till now.

Sorry to read that man. I've got some similar baggage with my older sibling. It's hard not to remember those things and hold a grudge some times. I hope when we lose our folks that it doesnt go bad but only time will tell. If something goes weird I hope I'll be able to see that they probably need it more than I do and let it go, but itll make the next xmas pretty damn awkward...

 

[Speeddemon]

Say you were one of 2 recipients (which are siblings) of an inheritance and you are the executor. Neither of you are gonna be rich but its a good chunk of money. Since there are only 2 of you there was nothing major involved except paying the funeral home and the hospital bills. The will doesn't state anything about the executor being paid but the state says you can take a percentage off the top which turns out to be a sizeable amount. Would you take it? Keep in mind what you take is coming directly out of your siblings pocket and you are already getting 1/2 of what is there .

Why wouldn't you want to get reasonable compensation for work you've put in (as the executor/executrix)?

Only a moron would turn that down; especially considering the typical estate sizes nowadays.

Also keep in mind: time is money, too.

So if you were inheriting say 600k that wouldn't be enough you would need more? And it would come straight out of your sibling's pocket. Thats called Greed

That guy has been acting like an a-class douche on other threads as well. It's just his nature I guess.

I'm with you splatter, you did the right thing; it just sucks you won't see the 45k.

While not with siblings, I've been in a nasty situation as well, with me being the executor (no pay for that btw, there's no such thing here...that I know of at least) for both my parents, and both of them were in new relationships long after their divorce, but these new ones were unmarried.
BOTH those new relationships showed their sudden greed and ugly side and the amount of crap that I had to go through, while playing a balancing act with the family that wanted to get things over with in a clean fashion, I wouldn't wish on anyone anytime soon.
Especially when it came to cheap(er) stuff of emotional value, or family heirlooms that the 'new' party tried to hold onto.

 

[Devin]

I'm heading to your brother's house to beat his ass. BRB

 

[ewill52]

been down this road. no amount of money is worth the bad blood that WILL inevitably happen with family. Settle the debts, split the rest.

 

[Rick Lee]

situation resolved .. I went to the credit union today and since both our names are on the account they cut me a check for 1/2 of it.
While I was there I got statements for the last 9 months. In those 9 months, my brother and his wife get over $123,000.00 out of my dad. $91,876.00 of it was supposed to be a loan to my brother so he could make a down pmt on his new home. I had to sign in order for him to use the money and he swore when his house sold he would put it back. He didn't, so there is $45k and some change I will never see that should have been part of my 1/2 of the estate.
So if it turns out that there are more bills to pay he can pay them. I'm done with his family and the whole situation.

Pissed because he stole 45k from me but really glad he didn't get the rest. Now on with my life.


Oh BTW I'm sure there was hell at his house tonight when he discovered I got my money. He assured me yesterday that I would need his signature.

Similar thing happened between my dad and his brother while settling their grandmother's estate around 1992. GM had loaned my uncle $25k for a down payment on his house around 1974. They drew up a formal loan document with an amortization schedule. Uncle never made a single payment, GM never went after him for it. Turns out she had noted in her will that my father, the executor, was to collect the outstanding amount plus compounded interest for 18 years. My dad didn't need the money, we all have a pretty good relationship with his brother, so my dad just pretended he never heard about it. That's probably breaking the letter of the law, but it was more important to him to keep a good relationship with his brother.

 

[ewill52]

I'm not one to tell people what to do with money, but I think a new guitar is in order......

just sayin'

 

[skullfxr]

Family > Money

But Splattered's brother really seems like a piece of trash.