Help me out married Rig-Talkers, I am seriously going crazy!

G

Gooseman

New member
This morning I found a disgusting and weird item in our bathroom cabinet. I asked my wife what the heck it could be and it turned out to be stitches from her mouth. She recently had a wisdom tooth extraction and I recognized the knotted end from seeing it once inside her mouth. I don't know for sure if it was the same knotted part that I saw, but it sure looked like it. Regardless it was definitely a part of her stitches.

Immediately, she got defensive and asked me if I was playing a joke on her. I was quite stunned by her accusation and said that I wasn't. I told her that I didn't even get how that could be a joke, let alone how could I have attained her stitches. It definitely bothered me at first, because she didn't claim responsibility for it. After some back and forth discussion, we let it go in order for us to go out to dinner with her parents.

I brought up the issue again on the drive home. From my point of view, the stitches couldn't have magically just ended up in the cabinet. Even if they dissolved somewhat and she spit them out accidentally, how could they have ended up in the cabinet? This seems impossible. Anyways, I told her my discomfort with her analysis that I could've put them up there to play a joke on her. There would be no reason to do that, and even if I did for joke's sake, I would've claim it was a joke by now since it was causing strife. Plus, I keep bringing it up because the whole thing is making me terribly uncomfortable.

Anyways, how do I move past this? Clearly, they are stitches from the inside of her mouth. We reexamined them hundreds of times. She didn't deny that they were initially, and after inspection it was clear that is what it was. It makes since that they were in the bathroom, considering there is brushing that goes on there, etc. What I don't get is how they ended up in the cabinet. They couldn't have just magically ended up there. I am thinking that my wife was either playing with them and forced the knotted part out (I did tell her last week that the knotted part didn't look "normal" from my experiences with wisdom tooth extraction. It seemed a bit big and intrusive inside her mouth.), or they dissolved and she spit them out. Either way, how did they end up in the cabinet? This whole thing makes me very uncomfortable because I am suspecting that my wife is randomly lying to me, which is never a good thing. People shouldn't lie to each other, and I don't want to accept that in our marriage. I know her mother has been a habitual liar, but that really has nothing to do with my wife, whom I trust very much. Anyways, I suppose knowing that definitely makes me wonder if she (my wife) is capable of such meaningless lies as well. Either way, what do I do? What would you do? I've talked to my wife about it, trying to comfort her that if she did initially lie, I wouldn't be upset, but that it would just need to be something we correct and not allow to happen. She claims that I could've just as easily found her stitches in the sink and put them in the cabinet. I said, if I did that, then why wouldn't I just claim it was a joke by now? Why would I want to start a fight? Why would I hide them in the cabinet? Why would I look for your stitches in the sink? Why wouldn't they have gone down the drain? Etc, etc.

This is totally making me crazy. What do you think? It is difficult to move past this situation because I feel like I am being lied to. The point is not about the stitches -- insert any variable you want to, either way, I feel like I'm being lied to. Anyone have experience with situations like this?
 
Well lying is never good. But you don't know for sure she is lying. Sometimes weird things happen and though it may seem impossible there may be another explanation other than she is lying. It seems such a small thing to cause so much stress though. Something else must be up in the marriage. My wife of 21 years left a year ago. Sometimes I don't know if I'm happy or sad about that. Marriage is hard. No reason something so insignificant should be causing so much stress. My advice - let it go. In the end it means nothing.
 
Shark Diver":2hiui082 said:
Well lying is never good. But you don't know for sure she is lying. Sometimes weird things happen and though it may seem impossible there may be another explanation other than she is lying. It seems such a small thing to cause so much stress though. Something else must be up in the marriage. My wife of 21 years left a year ago. Sometimes I don't know if I'm happy or sad about that. Marriage is hard. No reason something so insignificant should be causing so much stress. My advice - let it go. In the end it means nothing.
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Believe me, that is what I am having difficulty with at the moment. It is such a small thing, but it's so difficult to get how it could've ended up in the cabinet. There is only the two of us. How could that have happened? I couldn't have come into possession of her damn stitch!

Anyways, honestly, there is nothing but bliss in our marriage right now. Seriously! It just seems obvious that since the stitch is hers that she must've opened up the cabinet and put the remains in there. Perhaps she was embarrassed by her curiosity or her placement of the stitch in the cabinet, but that is no reason to lie. I get the argument that it is a small deal, too small perhaps to worry about. Yet, because it is such a small deal I am left wondering why there is a reason to lie about it. I just can't believe that the stitch could've just ended up in the cabinet by accident. That is impossible.

Sorry to hear about your marriage though. Thanks for commenting!
 
As weird as it seems it might have stuck to some clothing or something and when she reached in the cabinet fell off. You never know? But I'm happy all is well. :)
 
Shark Diver":2jfs8z93 said:
As weird as it seems it might have stuck to some clothing or something and when she reached in the cabinet fell off. You never know? But I'm happy all is well. :)
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Thanks brother, your comment makes a lot of sense. I think you are right, I will just let it go.

All the best to you this year!
 
Women are weird maybe she felt like you shouldnt have found them and was violated so lying would make it seem more plausible.. Better than a used tampon she forgot to throw away or somethin else.. Women are weird.
 
psychodave":1mggjhmt said:
Move on. Its not worth it....
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That ^

Ventura":1mggjhmt said:
I would take anonymous used stitches over used condoms any day :thumbsup:

V.
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And that ^.

Life's too short to get caught up into things that can lead to a lot of strife and almost surely means nothing. If you have a difficult time getting it out of your mind, you can always just convince yourself this was just an event you'll file away and only pull it back up if other strange situations start occuring.
 
Gooseman":1zzk8wld said:
This morning I found a disgusting and weird item in our bathroom cabinet.
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Newly Weds?

Dude, no offense but if thats the worst thing you have going, feel lucky and get in there and tell her you're sorry.

But in the mean time, this came to mind and I thought to share.

 
Yes, we got we last summer in St. Marten. Anyways, after spending the last hour with my Roadster and Gibson SG Standard, I am better now. Thanks for all the comforting comments, and good advice everyone!

I love this board. Seriously, this is a good place.
 
Dude, in ten years you're gonna look back and wish the worst problem about your marriage was finding a piece of fucking thread in your bathroom cabinet.

Seriously.
 
I've been married 17 years and in reading your first post my thought was that you must be quite an intense guy and that can get quite difficult to deal with over time. Your wife may have put the stitches in there and been embarrassed when you found them because that's pretty gross and the last thing a woman wants is for her guy to think she's disgusting. So maybe she told a little white lie so this would go away and you wouldn't think she was weird or nasty. And then you blow this way out of proportion with a "would you EVER lie to me?!!!!" and she's so afraid you'll find out she lied to you and won't trust her when it counts.

Like the other married guys have said and you have agreed with, let this go and I mean, really let this go. You are already sensitive to the fact her mom is a habitual liar. That doesn't mean she is. You should have figured out if she was before marriage.

Now go play that Roadster some more and don't sweat the small stuff. :)
 
Chubtone":170z10q7 said:
I've been married 17 years and in reading your first post my thought was that you must be quite an intense guy and that can get quite difficult to deal with over time. Your wife may have put the stitches in there and been embarrassed when you found them because that's pretty gross and the last thing a woman wants is for her guy to think she's disgusting. So maybe she told a little white lie so this would go away and you wouldn't think she was weird or nasty. And then you blow this way out of proportion with a "would you EVER lie to me?!!!!" and she's so afraid you'll find out she lied to you and won't trust her when it counts.

Like the other married guys have said and you have agreed with, let this go and I mean, really let this go. You are already sensitive to the fact her mom is a habitual liar. That doesn't mean she is. You should have figured out if she was before marriage.

Now go play that Roadster some more and don't sweat the small stuff. :)
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Dude, calm down, it'll be alright ... Your comments are fine, but seriously -- there is nothing intense about what I wrote or who I am. You assume that there is nothing to worry about, and I am fine assuming both possibilities.

To say that you can figure out everything there is to know about a person before you get married is just not reality. There are millions of married and divorced people who can back that up. I've been together with this girl for 8 years. 7 of those we've lived together. I trust her a lot.

I have high expectations of achieving the good and can live with the consequences of such beliefs. I tolerate mistakes, but not blatant lying that goes unchecked. I've never seen good things happen through lying. I will not be an enabler of allowing someone I love to pursue a path of lying.

I am also not living everyday pretending that the little things matter less than the big things. Anytime lying is involved, white or not, it always matters. You can have your opinions, and I value your input, but my experiences and educational background tell me that lying is never a sign of good things. Honestly, I'd rather be alone than with some who lies to me. I tolerate everything and anything actually.

At the end of the day, until I know it is a lie, there is little I have to worry about. I do find it interesting that many people suggest just dealing with lies, even small ones, if they know they have been truly lied to. I am glad to know that people are able to maintain healthy relationships through this. I also have studied plenty of negatives associated with lying and relationships too.
 
^sounds overly intense to me. This most likely isn't a lie, she probably was half asleep and didn't realize what happened , then she gets the inquisition over who put mouth-trash where. Even if at some point she begins to remember, it would be hard to admit with an overbearing partner who is on a witchhunt. I say the issue is not the stitches, but what would lead you to such a state of heightened distrust? Your own insecurities, controlling issues, infidelity? Or has she been disloyal and you are picking up subconscience vibes leading to seemingly exaggerrated responses?

Or maybe just chalk it up to a bad day over meaningless crap and move on. If you think things are truly happy then forget this self-destructive thought process and be happy.

Please don't take this as intrusive/judgemental- you threw it out there and I'm offering some thoughts
 
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