My heart goes out to you Jason.
I know it might seem impossible to think so at the moment, but there is hope brother. I've been in "similar" situations pre-internet but didn't receive support or the empathy you're deservedly getting from the community right now. I know from such experiences that the final boss that'll cock-block your will to live is a lack of hope, so for the love of God, please find some any way you can.
The little things. Even the tiniest victories produce the same chemical, emotional and ultimately physical reactions in your being as the big ones, and such wins cost nothing other than an open mind.
Prayers for you brother.