Your Most Bizarre and Awful Band Tryouts, Past Members, Etc - Post 'Em

[mooncobra]

1984 or so and I'm 18 years old...all I'm listening to is the early thrash that's just coming out(Metallica/Slayer etc).
But I'm playing bass in a ski resort circuit band doing Huey Lewis,the Romantix and classic rock and some hair "metal".
All the elder statesmen in my band were bagging on me for that noise coming from my walkman.
The summer of 85 I move back home to Arlington and head over the the Abbott's house and talk to Darrell and Vince about what the ski circuit was like. I tell them I want to play thrash now and Vince starts laughing at me.
"That noisey shit will never sell,dude!"
But Darrell says "I'll call Walter and get him over here."
Walt shows up 5 minutes later dragging his ESP yellow/black cheetah print guitar into the house.
Now when I say dragging....I mean dragging.
He was holding it by the neck,dragging it behind him in the front door and I watched it bounce over the threshold. No case. Just the guitar.
Just like a cave man dragging his club behind him.
Darrell hands me eRex's old Ibanez roadstar bass and Walt and I go to town for 20-30 minutes.
We blow thru a bunch of the deeper metallica cuts(no seek and destroy shit). Then most of Slayers first album.
All the fast shit.
We're both laughing like elementary school kids the whole time trying to shout out the vocals so we know where we are in the song.
After a while we stop and Walter says "You're in."
That was the beginning of Rotting Corpse.
I never played anything but thrash from that point forward.
Walter was a bigger influence on me than anyone else. I was so blown away by his rhythm playing I eventually quit the bass and switched to guitar.
But I'll never forget him dragging that ESP Star body into the house by its neck like it was just a weapon instead of a valuable/rare for its time guitar. It's one of my all time favorite memories.

Note....that ESP was a gift that the Pantera boys gave Walter for his birthday.
The strat style head stock had to be cut up because they only had 3 on a side tuning pegs available and nobody had money back then.
You had to make do with what you had. That's the Texas redneck way. "Grab a saw!!"
He smashed it to pieces several times at the end of gigs,then would bolt/glue it back together for the next gig.
I had a great misspent youth.

The folly of youth. I think back on my youth often these days. Carefree living. It was the best! My friends and I did some incredibly idiotic stuff. Looking back it’s an actual miracle we all came through intact.

Viva la Gorilla Gang! (may they live forever!)

-and I still am holding out hope that one day I might be allowed to enter this gang of illuminated and prestigious men.

 

[Devin]

Yeah that candle shit is funny and weird....can't beat it.

I guess the only thing that comes to mind is when I was much younger I was in a local band that did fairly well in the area.

There was this guy from the neighborhood, knew who he was but didn't really know him. I guess he played guitar. Ended up stalking me, used to see him standing on the corner bh my house every once in a while with a gig bag on his back just standing there.

I think he was hoping I'd ask him to come in and jam. I would have but I was low on candles.

Closest thing I got was something like this. There was a kid (like at least 10 years younger than me) that lived around the block from me that played guitar. I'm from a super small town so most of my band were familiar with this kid's family (his older brother was in my class etc)

Long story short he was obviously a fan of me and my band and he started randomly showing up at my house wanting to hang. Me being a nice guy, I let him in a few times and showed him how to play some riffs etc. He was an annoying kid but seemed harmless enough.

A little while later it became apparent that this kid was kind of obsessed with me. He'd make up any excuse to come over and talk to me. One day he shows up and just randomly gives me a Line 6 POD HD300....literally 100% out of the blue. I had no real use for it but just said "thanks man" and took it lol. He also did that same shit where he'd just stand on the street outside my house with a guitar on his back hoping I'd notice and invite him in hahaha.

Later on I found out that this kid was going around town telling everyone that he was the one that actually wrote all my songs and guitar riffs and that he was "letting me play them" or some shit like that

I called him out on it and then he stopped coming around lmao

 

[FormerlyKnownAsMaddnotez]

Closest thing I got was something like this. There was a kid (like at least 10 years younger than me) that lived around the block from me that played guitar. I'm from a super small town so most of my band were familiar with this kid's family (his older brother was in my class etc)

Long story short he was obviously a fan of me and my band and he started randomly showing up at my house wanting to hang. Me being a nice guy, I let him in a few times and showed him how to play some riffs etc. He was an annoying kid but seemed harmless enough.

A little while later it became apparent that this kid was kind of obsessed with me. He'd make up any excuse to come over and talk to me. One day he shows up and just randomly gives me a Line 6 POD HD300....literally 100% out of the blue. I had no real use for it but just said "thanks man" and took it lol. He also did that same shit where he'd just stand on the street outside my house with a guitar on his back hoping I'd notice and invite him in hahaha.

Later on I found out that this kid was going around town telling everyone that he was the one that actually wrote all my songs and guitar riffs and that he was "letting me play them" or some shit like that

I called him out on it and then he stopped coming around lmao

Bon Jovi stole my best riffs.

 

[thegame]

Bon Jovi stole my best riffs.

How in the hell does Bon Jovi and best riffs go in the same sentence?

 

[braintheory]

How in the hell does Bon Jovi and best riffs go in the same sentence?

Well what really happened was Bon Jovi stole all those great riffs and took them to a top secret vault and never let them out. He’s waiting still for a guitar hero worthy enough to give them too and share with the world

 

[thegame]

Well what really happened was Bon Jovi stole all those great riffs and took them to a top secret vault and never let them out. He’s waiting still for a guitar hero worthy enough to give them too and share with the world

2/10. I know my jokes don’t always land but…2/10

 

[braintheory]

2/10. I know my jokes don’t always land but…2/10

Yeah still a bit early for me. Once I have my coffee I can do better. Still better than the centipede mod or belt sander ones

 

[FormerlyKnownAsMaddnotez]

Well what really happened was Bon Jovi stole all those great riffs and took them to a top secret vault and never let them out. He’s waiting still for a guitar hero worthy enough to give them too and share with the world

No. I just suck at music.

 

[Bardagh]

So who blew out the candle?

Maybe the wind from our hasty retreat.

1984 or so and I'm 18 years old...all I'm listening to is the early thrash that's just coming out(Metallica/Slayer etc).
But I'm playing bass in a ski resort circuit band doing Huey Lewis,the Romantix and classic rock and some hair "metal".
All the elder statesmen in my band were bagging on me for that noise coming from my walkman.
The summer of 85 I move back home to Arlington and head over the the Abbott's house and talk to Darrell and Vince about what the ski circuit was like. I tell them I want to play thrash now and Vince starts laughing at me.
"That noisey shit will never sell,dude!"
But Darrell says "I'll call Walter and get him over here."
Walt shows up 5 minutes later dragging his ESP yellow/black cheetah print guitar into the house.
Now when I say dragging....I mean dragging.
He was holding it by the neck,dragging it behind him in the front door and I watched it bounce over the threshold. No case. Just the guitar.
Just like a cave man dragging his club behind him.
Darrell hands me eRex's old Ibanez roadstar bass and Walt and I go to town for 20-30 minutes.
We blow thru a bunch of the deeper metallica cuts(no seek and destroy shit). Then most of Slayers first album.
All the fast shit.
We're both laughing like elementary school kids the whole time trying to shout out the vocals so we know where we are in the song.
After a while we stop and Walter says "You're in."
That was the beginning of Rotting Corpse.
I never played anything but thrash from that point forward.
Walter was a bigger influence on me than anyone else. I was so blown away by his rhythm playing I eventually quit the bass and switched to guitar.
But I'll never forget him dragging that ESP Star body into the house by its neck like it was just a weapon instead of a valuable/rare for its time guitar. It's one of my all time favorite memories.

Note....that ESP was a gift that the Pantera boys gave Walter for his birthday.
The strat style head stock had to be cut up because they only had 3 on a side tuning pegs available and nobody had money back then.
You had to make do with what you had. That's the Texas redneck way. "Grab a saw!!"
He smashed it to pieces several times at the end of gigs,then would bolt/glue it back together for the next gig.
I had a great misspent youth.

That’s more just an almost unbelievably awesome story.

 

[sytharnia1560]

I auditioned for a Black Sabbath covers band around 1993 right in the middle of my first "I love floyds" phase, so of course I had an ibanez with a floyd rose. Set my amp up and fine tuned my guitar to its normal E only to be told by the bass player that he is tuned to C#.. now i'm like 21/22 yrs old and was not great at setting up floyds at that point so me retuning to C# was not going to happen so instead I just tried to play everything 3 frets lower which as you can imagine was a fucking mess .... yeah I didn't get a call back

 

[guitup too]

1984 or so and I'm 18 years old...all I'm listening to is the early thrash that's just coming out(Metallica/Slayer etc).
But I'm playing bass in a ski resort circuit band doing Huey Lewis,the Romantix and classic rock and some hair "metal".
All the elder statesmen in my band were bagging on me for that noise coming from my walkman.
The summer of 85 I move back home to Arlington and head over the the Abbott's house and talk to Darrell and Vince about what the ski circuit was like. I tell them I want to play thrash now and Vince starts laughing at me.
"That noisey shit will never sell,dude!"
But Darrell says "I'll call Walter and get him over here."
Walt shows up 5 minutes later dragging his ESP yellow/black cheetah print guitar into the house.
Now when I say dragging....I mean dragging.
He was holding it by the neck,dragging it behind him in the front door and I watched it bounce over the threshold. No case. Just the guitar.
Just like a cave man dragging his club behind him.
Darrell hands me eRex's old Ibanez roadstar bass and Walt and I go to town for 20-30 minutes.
We blow thru a bunch of the deeper metallica cuts(no seek and destroy shit). Then most of Slayers first album.
All the fast shit.
We're both laughing like elementary school kids the whole time trying to shout out the vocals so we know where we are in the song.
After a while we stop and Walter says "You're in."
That was the beginning of Rotting Corpse.
I never played anything but thrash from that point forward.
Walter was a bigger influence on me than anyone else. I was so blown away by his rhythm playing I eventually quit the bass and switched to guitar.
But I'll never forget him dragging that ESP Star body into the house by its neck like it was just a weapon instead of a valuable/rare for its time guitar. It's one of my all time favorite memories.

Note....that ESP was a gift that the Pantera boys gave Walter for his birthday.
The strat style head stock had to be cut up because they only had 3 on a side tuning pegs available and nobody had money back then.
You had to make do with what you had. That's the Texas redneck way. "Grab a saw!!"
He smashed it to pieces several times at the end of gigs,then would bolt/glue it back together for the next gig.
I had a great misspent youth.

Dude, you win.

 

[squealie]

and then came waddling backwards, bare ass naked out of his room with a LIT CANDLE STICKING OUT OF HIS ASSHOLE. The asshole candle was providing the light.

Do you still have his number?

 

[* velcro-fly *]

Ass candle guy would win, if not for the OP going back after the ass candle hahahaha

 

[* velcro-fly *]

Auditioned a female singer for an originals project I was working on, she sent over three covers for us to work on with her to get an idea of her range. We learn the material, she shows up and asks if she can have a beer, we crack a beer open for her. Easy tunes, we nail them, she's nervous and not close to on point. She gets just hammered from one beer, asks us to play some of our original tunes and sits down and starts mumbling. We cut it short as it was clear this was not going to work.

I decide to walk her out to her car to make sure she's safe (rehearsal space in a sketch neighborhood) After her telling me she thinks it went well, what's the next step? the drummer comes running out of the building saying" hey ABC you left your phone in the space" She grabs it and thanks us, then says "oh shit I left it recording...." and turns the voice recorder off, says she'll listen to it on the way home....Suffice to say those guys talked an endless stream of shit about her after we left the room and the look on the bass players face when we got back and announced it was all recorded was priceless. I got a message from her two days later apologizing for being drunk, said she listened back to the recording, said I was really nice but the other two guys were assholes...We get endless mileage from that one..... Follow up - saw her post a recent ad on our local musicians FB page stating she had discovered death metal growl vocals and was looking for a band to try it in...

 

[Wayniac3]

Closest thing I got was something like this. There was a kid (like at least 10 years younger than me) that lived around the block from me that played guitar. I'm from a super small town so most of my band were familiar with this kid's family (his older brother was in my class etc)

Long story short he was obviously a fan of me and my band and he started randomly showing up at my house wanting to hang. Me being a nice guy, I let him in a few times and showed him how to play some riffs etc. He was an annoying kid but seemed harmless enough.

A little while later it became apparent that this kid was kind of obsessed with me. He'd make up any excuse to come over and talk to me. One day he shows up and just randomly gives me a Line 6 POD HD300....literally 100% out of the blue. I had no real use for it but just said "thanks man" and took it lol. He also did that same shit where he'd just stand on the street outside my house with a guitar on his back hoping I'd notice and invite him in hahaha.

Later on I found out that this kid was going around town telling everyone that he was the one that actually wrote all my songs and guitar riffs and that he was "letting me play them" or some shit like that

I called him out on it and then he stopped coming around lmao

Funny you say that.. had something similar...
A guy that was friends with our singer & was a huge fan of our band wanted guitar lessons. I gave him lessons for about 2 months. I stopped when it became evident he wasn't practicing at all, since my time back then was pretty tight between the band, gym, work, girlfriend and other students.

Fast forward about 20 years, I run into his ex wife at a party. The "old days" come up, and she pops out with the fact that he said he wrote our material and showed it to me. He had been telling people that for years. I was flabbergasted.

Weirdest tryouts - a guy that came in with his girlfriend, obviously not well prepared, and screamed the lyrics with a wide eyed crazy look the entire time, getting uncomfortably close and in the face of each of us. He knew a few of the words, but it was a horrible mismatch for our style. Seemed like a nice enough guy, but he was odd.

Past members - hell it's always singers and drummers. One of our old drummers was busted in a drug sting (he totally hid his addiction from us and his family, but it explains a LOT of stuff). I have another ex drummer that is currently homeless. Sad

 

[thegame]

Not to get all Shakespearean on the OP’s story, but when Mr Ass Candle farts, does that alight or extinguish the flame?

 

[FormerlyKnownAsMaddnotez]

Funny you say that.. had something similar...
A guy that was friends with our singer & was a huge fan of our band wanted guitar lessons. I gave him lessons for about 2 months. I stopped when it became evident he wasn't practicing at all, since my time back then was pretty tight between the band, gym, work girlfriend and other students.

Fast forward about 20 years, I run into his ex wife at a party. The "old days" come up, and she pops out with the fact that he said he wrote our material and showed it to me. He had been telling people that for years. I was flabbergasted.

Weirdest tryouts - a guy that came in with his girlfriend, obviously not well prepared, and screamed the lyrics with a wide eyed crazy look the entire time, getting uncomfortably close and in the face of each of us. He knew a few of the words, but it was a horrible mismatch for our style. Seemed like a nice enough guy, but he was odd.

Past members - hell it's always singers and drummers. One of our old drummers was busted in a drug sting (he totally hid his addiction from us and his family, but it explains a LOT of stuff). I have another ex drummer that is currently homeless. Sad

Dude, it's ALWAYS the guys that bring their girlfriends.

 

[RevDrucifer]

My first one was auditioning a “vocalist” for a prog metal band my buddy and I were trying to do in high school. Dude tells us he’s huge into Pantera and Fear Factory, which I was also big into at the time so I was stoked. I think we were 17 or 18. He’s got no mic or anything, so I let him use mine (we had a killer PA for teenagers, like REALLY killer) and he then just starts fucking grunting into it. Like when you hear your stepdad plowing your mom kind of grunting. I let this go on for about 15 minutes before I snapped a string on purpose and said I didn’t have any others.

To close it out he wanted to show us how long he could ”scream” for, which was him holding the mic to his mouth and going “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….hh….hhhh…hhhhhhhhhhhhh…hhh….::breaths in::…uhhhhhhhhh” for like 45 seconds.

Then when I started a progmetal band down here in Ft. Lauderdale in my early 20’s we had a shitload of “vocalists” trying out for us. This one fucking guy in his mid-50’s with bleach blond hair and looked and skin that looked like fucking jerky comes in and tells us he’s REALLY big into Linkin Park and Metallica. We’re playing shit that sounds like Tool/Pantera and he’s hopping all over the room repeating the band name over and over, “Five Sins Ago! Yeah! Yeah! Drew on the guitar! Yaaaaaa! Fives Sins Ago! Five Sins Ago!”

I snapped a string on purpose again.

One of the last original bands I was in, the drummer was a fucking lunatic and not the fun way. Parked my car at the rehearsal spot because it was right next to the airport, come home from vacation and see someone took a sharpie all over the fucking thing, “Get this piece of shit out of here!” “Move this fucking thing!” “Fuck you!” ALL over it, front to back, sides, everywhere. I’m thinking it was some fuckhead in the warehouse spaces when he admits to the guitarist it was him. I was done after that.

The last one was a Floyd tribute I joined last fall. Talked to the guy putting it together on the phone first, dude kept me on for like 2 hours and was REALLY hyper and excited about it. I knew I had a 25% chance of it being legit and 75% chance he was coked up and talking out of his ass. Supposedly this guy has all the members we need to pull off the PULSE show, essentially. I get 3-4 songs down and go to the first practice. It’s him and a drummer in a big room, I see drums half-set up and a bass in a case. Set up my rig and stand there waiting to play, they say they want to shoot the shit so I sit down….for two hours while they talked about how great this was going to be. Then we all leave without playing a note. I REALLY wanted to do this, so I went back a 2nd time and the same thing happened. I asked to jam, even as stripped down as it was and nope, they just wanted to talk. Fuck that. Told them they could give me a call when they were ready to play because I knew that day would never come and I was right.

 

[BlackRose]

Early 90s my band needed a new drummer. Got a call from a guy who talked himself up pretty large.
Day of tryout he shows up wearing fishnet and clogs. Pulls out a little beatbox and plays us his demo, which literally just made sounds of Bee Buu Bah Boo. After it's done playing he shrugs and says "well, it sounded better in my mind"

Another weird event was mid 80s.
My entire band completely dissolved during the same week. Singer fried his brain doing acid for 5 days in a row, Guitar player got his girlfriend pregnant and had to move, Bass player joined the Army, Drummer joined a religious cult and then got in with Karesh in Waco.

 

[Devin]

Funny you say that.. had something similar...
A guy that was friends with our singer & was a huge fan of our band wanted guitar lessons. I gave him lessons for about 2 months. I stopped when it became evident he wasn't practicing at all, since my time back then was pretty tight between the band, gym, work, girlfriend and other students.

Fast forward about 20 years, I run into his ex wife at a party. The "old days" come up, and she pops out with the fact that he said he wrote our material and showed it to me. He had been telling people that for years. I was flabbergasted.

So bizarre that this is apparently a semi-common thing lol