70 Mach 1
Well-known member
What do you call a fat ass beer gut Asian whore?
Chunky Ho
Chunky Ho
TGP has a joke thread going. Lets do our raunchy NSF TGP version
Floyd Eye
Well-known member
How many ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth ?
All of them.
All of them.
MadAsAHatter
Well-known member
Dirty joke: A white horse fell in the mud.
Clean joke: The rider took a bath with bubbles.
Dirty joke: Bubbles was the girl next door.
Clean joke: The rider took a bath with bubbles.
Dirty joke: Bubbles was the girl next door.
NoHassle
Well-known member
A family brings their frail, elderly mother to a very nice nursing home, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the staff bathes her, feeds her a tasty breakfast, and puts her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems okay, but after a while, she slowly starts to tilt sideways in her chair. The attentive nurses rush over to straighten her up.
After a bit, she tilts over again and again, the nurses rush over to straighten her up.
When the family arrives to see how she is adjusting, she says, "It's pretty nice... except they won't let you fart".
---------------------
John wanted to buy a motorcycle.
He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a "for sale" sign on it.
The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.
It's shiny and in mint condition.
He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain", and
he hands John a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Liza, invites him over to meet her parents.
Naturally, they take the bike there.
Just before they enter the house, Liza stops him and says,
'I have to tell you something about my family.
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk.
In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.
'No problem,' he says… And in they go.
John is shocked.
Right in the middle of the Living Room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks. Dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, John decides to take advantage of the situation.
He leans over and kisses Liza.
No one says a word so he reaches over and fondles her.
Again nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and takes her, right there in front of her Parents.
His Girlfriend is a little flustered, her Dad is obviously livid and her Mum horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her Mum. She's got a great body too.
John grabs Mum, pulls down her pants, and turns her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table.
John sits down exhausted.
His Girlfriend is furious, her Dad is boiling, & Mum is beaming from ear to ear.
But still....Total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of Thunder, and it starts to
Rain.
John remembers his Bike, so he pulls the Jar of Vaseline from his Pocket.
Suddenly the Father stands up and shouts. "I'll do the dishes"!!
The next morning, the staff bathes her, feeds her a tasty breakfast, and puts her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems okay, but after a while, she slowly starts to tilt sideways in her chair. The attentive nurses rush over to straighten her up.
After a bit, she tilts over again and again, the nurses rush over to straighten her up.
When the family arrives to see how she is adjusting, she says, "It's pretty nice... except they won't let you fart".
---------------------
John wanted to buy a motorcycle.
He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a "for sale" sign on it.
The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.
It's shiny and in mint condition.
He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain", and
he hands John a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Liza, invites him over to meet her parents.
Naturally, they take the bike there.
Just before they enter the house, Liza stops him and says,
'I have to tell you something about my family.
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk.
In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.
'No problem,' he says… And in they go.
John is shocked.
Right in the middle of the Living Room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks. Dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, John decides to take advantage of the situation.
He leans over and kisses Liza.
No one says a word so he reaches over and fondles her.
Again nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and takes her, right there in front of her Parents.
His Girlfriend is a little flustered, her Dad is obviously livid and her Mum horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her Mum. She's got a great body too.
John grabs Mum, pulls down her pants, and turns her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table.
John sits down exhausted.
His Girlfriend is furious, her Dad is boiling, & Mum is beaming from ear to ear.
But still....Total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of Thunder, and it starts to
Rain.
John remembers his Bike, so he pulls the Jar of Vaseline from his Pocket.
Suddenly the Father stands up and shouts. "I'll do the dishes"!!
K
Kordoba
Well-known member
Why did the piece of gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken's foot.
It was stuck to the chicken's foot.
MadAsAHatter
Well-known member
Little Mary came home all excited. "Mom look, the boys paid me 5 dollars to climb up the flag pole".
Mary's mom tells her "Don't do that. The boys just want to look up your skirt at your panties".
Mary laughed and laughed because she knew she wasn't wearing any panties.
Mary's mom tells her "Don't do that. The boys just want to look up your skirt at your panties".
Mary laughed and laughed because she knew she wasn't wearing any panties.
NoHassle
Well-known member
SLUT!
Floyd Eye
Well-known member
Are racist jokes against the rules here ?
NoHassle
Well-known member
If that CUNT @RGX_Custom can walk the tightrope with his shit and survive it appears so.
Floyd Eye
Well-known member
You'll love this one.
Edit. Man, I had two all typed out and I just can't do it. They aren't just anti-semitic, they are graphically vulgar. In my defense, they were told to me by a Jew I know.
Here's one though, in the same vein but without the racism.
What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to a telephone pole ?
One dead baby nailed to ten telephone poles.
NoHassle
Well-known member
Four Catholic Men and a Catholic Woman Were Having Coffee
in St. Peter's Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'".
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'".
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'".
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'".
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well...."?
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,
slim,
tall,
38D - 24 - 36
When she walks into a room people say,
"Jeeeeeeeeeesssssssuuussss!"
------------------------------
A man arrives home to find his blonde wife in tears, crying on the sofa.
“What happened? What are you crying?”
“It’s my new diet,” replied the blonde. “It’s not working! I stepped on the scale today, and I weighed 300 pounds!”
“But that’s impossible,” replied the man. We just weighed you last week, and you were only half that much!”
“I know!” sobbed the blonde. “But since I twisted my ankle this morning, I had to balance with only one foot on the scale, and it said 150. So that means that if I stood on it with two feet, it would have said 300!”
in St. Peter's Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'".
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'".
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'".
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'".
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well...."?
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,
slim,
tall,
38D - 24 - 36
When she walks into a room people say,
"Jeeeeeeeeeesssssssuuussss!"
------------------------------
A man arrives home to find his blonde wife in tears, crying on the sofa.
“What happened? What are you crying?”
“It’s my new diet,” replied the blonde. “It’s not working! I stepped on the scale today, and I weighed 300 pounds!”
“But that’s impossible,” replied the man. We just weighed you last week, and you were only half that much!”
“I know!” sobbed the blonde. “But since I twisted my ankle this morning, I had to balance with only one foot on the scale, and it said 150. So that means that if I stood on it with two feet, it would have said 300!”
MadAsAHatter
Well-known member
How did the blond get lipstick on the steering wheel?
Trying to blow the horn
Trying to blow the horn
CDawg
Well-known member
What's the difference between pink and purple?
How hard I squeeze.
How hard I squeeze.
MadAsAHatter
Well-known member
A pirate walks into a bar with the ship's wheel stuffed down the front of his pants.
The bartender asks "What the deal with the wheel in your pants:?
The pirate says "AARRR It drives me nuts".
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. Everyone laughs "there's no way that octopus can do that". So he says that he will give $1000 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus cannot play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing the most beautiful guitar music anyone's ever heard. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet outclassing the likes of Louie Armstrong. A third man brings up a violin. The octopus start playing with a sound worthy of first chair at Carnegie Hall.
Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down saying (in Scot accent) "There's no way yer octopus can play these". The octopus starts fumbling with them then the most god-awful sound starts coming out. It sounds like a field of dying donkeys.
The Scot exclaims (in Scot accent) "HA! I knew yer octopus could not play the bagpipes. Now give me ma 1000 dollars".
The man say "Oh no, he'll play them. Just give him a minute to finish fucking 'em first".
The bartender asks "What the deal with the wheel in your pants:?
The pirate says "AARRR It drives me nuts".
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. Everyone laughs "there's no way that octopus can do that". So he says that he will give $1000 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus cannot play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing the most beautiful guitar music anyone's ever heard. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet outclassing the likes of Louie Armstrong. A third man brings up a violin. The octopus start playing with a sound worthy of first chair at Carnegie Hall.
Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down saying (in Scot accent) "There's no way yer octopus can play these". The octopus starts fumbling with them then the most god-awful sound starts coming out. It sounds like a field of dying donkeys.
The Scot exclaims (in Scot accent) "HA! I knew yer octopus could not play the bagpipes. Now give me ma 1000 dollars".
The man say "Oh no, he'll play them. Just give him a minute to finish fucking 'em first".
The~Kid
Well-known member
A Chinese, Iranian and a Somalian guy are ship wrecked on Muchaka Island and come across the people of Muchaka.....
They come across a garden with food and water and fill themselves after 5 days of starving on the island..... But this is a sacred Muchaka garden and the people of Muchaka surround the shipwrecked survivors and put them up to trial.
King Muchaka is the law of the land and judge and jury. First the Chinese guy walks up and King Muchaka explains..... "You have drank water and eaten food from the sacred garden of Muchaka."..... "For these crimes the punishment is death or Muchaka..... How do you wish to pay for your crimes. "
The Chinese guy of course doesn't want to die and says "I will pay my crime in Muchaka."
100 of the fiercest Warriors of Muchaka line up and fuck the Chinese guy up the ass..... One right after the other until the last Muchaka warrior is done with him.....
The Iranian guy comes up to King Muchaka and the same deal is presented "the punishment is death or Muchaka..... How do you wish to pay for your crimes."
Iranian guy decides to go for Muchaka as the punishment and again all 100 Warriors of Muchaka fuck him up the ass same as they did the Chinese guy and the Iranian lives....
Somalian guy comes up to King Muchaka and after contemplating for sometime makes a decision..... King Muchaka again says "the punishment is death or Muchaka..... How do you wish to pay for your your crimes."
The Somalian doesn't take his time like the others and immediately says death as Muchaka goes against his religion and beliefs.....
King Muchaka proceeds to hand down punishment to the Somalian...... "The Punishment is death...... By Muchaka."
They come across a garden with food and water and fill themselves after 5 days of starving on the island..... But this is a sacred Muchaka garden and the people of Muchaka surround the shipwrecked survivors and put them up to trial.
King Muchaka is the law of the land and judge and jury. First the Chinese guy walks up and King Muchaka explains..... "You have drank water and eaten food from the sacred garden of Muchaka."..... "For these crimes the punishment is death or Muchaka..... How do you wish to pay for your crimes. "
The Chinese guy of course doesn't want to die and says "I will pay my crime in Muchaka."
100 of the fiercest Warriors of Muchaka line up and fuck the Chinese guy up the ass..... One right after the other until the last Muchaka warrior is done with him.....
The Iranian guy comes up to King Muchaka and the same deal is presented "the punishment is death or Muchaka..... How do you wish to pay for your crimes."
Iranian guy decides to go for Muchaka as the punishment and again all 100 Warriors of Muchaka fuck him up the ass same as they did the Chinese guy and the Iranian lives....
Somalian guy comes up to King Muchaka and after contemplating for sometime makes a decision..... King Muchaka again says "the punishment is death or Muchaka..... How do you wish to pay for your your crimes."
The Somalian doesn't take his time like the others and immediately says death as Muchaka goes against his religion and beliefs.....
King Muchaka proceeds to hand down punishment to the Somalian...... "The Punishment is death...... By Muchaka."
Last edited:
japetus
Well-known member
MadAsAHatter
Well-known member
^^^^ I made that exact same face
Traintrack
Active member
WHY did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead
He was dead
MadAsAHatter
Well-known member
A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar. It says Hot Dog $2, Cheeseburger $5, and Handjob $10.
He asks the waitress, "Miss, are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am." He says, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
He asks the waitress, "Miss, are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am." He says, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
The~Kid
Well-known member
What.....
Its a joke I learned in college..... "Death...... By Muchaka." Sure got plenty of laughs from the everyone all the time
