TGP has a joke thread going. Lets do our raunchy NSF TGP version

[NoHassle]

I was commenting on RGX_Custom (aka: Turd_Guitar) being his usual dipshit self.

NOW I understand.

 

[Stripped Rights]

A man walks into a whore house and walks up to the counter...

Man: how much is your best prostitute?
That would be $1000 sir.

Man: I can't afford that, how much is an average one?
Average will be $500 sir

Man: That's a little too much too. How much is a low level one?
That'll cost you $100 sir.

Man: I still can't afford that, but I really need a release. Let me ask, what can I get for $20
I can set you up with our budget special. It'll be down the hall last door on the right.

The man hands over his $20, goes into the room, and proceeds to fuck the ever loving hell out the whore.
All of a sudden stuff starts coming out of her eyes, nose, mouth, ever orifice on her body.
The man runs out the room, out the building freaking out yelling about what happened.
The person at the counter shouts out...
Clean up in the back room, the dead bitch is full again.

Thread is done. Nothing can beat that 1.

 

[Floyd Eye]

There once was a man named Dave
Who had a dead whore in his cave
I must admit she smelled like shit
But think of the money he saved.

 

[Robostyle]

There once was a man named Dave
Who had a dead whore in his cave
I must admit she smelled like shit
But think of the money he saved.

Wow haven't heard this one in years!

 

[teestone]

What did Adam say to Eve?

Stand back, I don’t know how big this thing gets.

 

[NoHassle]

 

[NoHassle]

 

[70 Mach 1]

What do you call a fat ass overweight woman in skinny jeans.


5 pounds of beef in a 2 pound bag

 

[311boogieman]

JIM'S ANNIVERSARY PRESENT

Jim was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really angry. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift
in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE
THERE!!"

The next morning Jim got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and
brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new
bathroom scale.

Jim has been missing since Friday.

 

[Monkey Man]

Somehow I don't find that one funny bro'.

Each to his own I s'pose.

 

[311boogieman]

Somehow I don't find that one funny bro'.

Each to his own I s'pose.

Well I thought it was good because it is 2 jokes in one.
1. Husband indicating to wife that she is overweight (200lbs)
2. Jim is missing. Did he leave her? Did she off him?

 

[Floyd Eye]

Well I thought it was good because it is 2 jokes in one.
1. Husband indicating to wife that she is overweight (200lbs)
2. Jim is missing. Did he leave her? Did she off him?

He was referring to the now deleted post. Not yours.

 

[84superchamp]

What do you call a fat ass overweight woman in skinny jeans.


5 pounds of beef in a 2 pound bag

With "back titties".

 

[311boogieman]

He was referring to the now deleted post. Not yours.

Just about the funniest thing in this thread

 

[311boogieman]

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in
first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and
wipes the tip off. The woman can't believe what she
just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few
minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his
wang and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go
nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person exists.
A few minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He takes
his wang out and wipes the tip off. The woman has
finally had enough. She turns to the man and says,
"Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've
removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off! What
the hell kind of degenerate are you?" The man replies,
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a very
rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an
orgasm." The woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What
are you taking for it? "The man looks at her and says,
"Pepper."

 

[MadAsAHatter]

I went to see a boxing match this weekend and a hockey game broke out.



What do you call 100 politicians at the bottom of the sea?
A good start.

 

[Monkey Man]

What do you call 100 politicians at the bottom of the sea?
A good start.

Reminds me of an old lawyer joke:

How many lawyers does it take to circle the equator when laid end-to-end?
No idea but we'd all be better-off.

He was referring to the now deleted post. Not yours.

Correct weight.

 

[MadAsAHatter]

Reminds me of an old lawyer joke:

How many lawyers does it take to circle the equator when laid end-to-end?
No idea but we'd all be better-off.

It was originally a lawyer joke. I just switched it to politician.

 

[Floyd Eye]

Reminds me of an old lawyer joke:

How many lawyers does it take to circle the equator when laid end-to-end?
No idea but we'd all be better-off.


Correct weight.

If it wasn’t for lawyers, we wouldn’t need lawyers.

 

[NoHassle]

If it wasn’t for lawyers, we wouldn’t need lawyers.

Lawyers FEED OFF society and bring zero to anything except to serve the legal money extorting industry.

It's a club completely run from top to bottom by villains masquerading as do gooders. The greatest con known to mankind.

That's why many politicians start out in the legal industry then ascend up to a politician...the ultimate lying thief.

There's nothing whatsoever moral about a lawyer and a judge.